-In- the -Out-doors

My first YTT weekend was more than I could have ever imagined. I think I learned and made more connections in that weekend than I had over the past two years of graduate school.

You can learn a lot from books but the depth at which you can go requires guidance and practice. Reading alone will not do.

There have been many moments in my life that I have felt very happy, but only about two of which accompanied the feeling of being exactly where I belong and want to be. The first was with Alex, the second was the first weekend at the Lotus Pond.

There was so much emotion and warmth running through me all weekend that it's hard to know where to start sharing and where to stop trying.

Much of the time in my training classes so far is devoted to alignment, posture, and subtly connecting with ourselves. When there is a break between it all we get a moment to reflect and share how we are feeling.

Someone in my class shared how they'd been going through a rough time and how the feeling of welcome and warmth shared in the room was exactly what they needed. I related strongly to her. It's safe to say that most of us students have found peace and happiness just by showing up.

I have had my doubts-- not just during the first weekend but also in the following weeks. “I'm no good, they're wasting their time working with me,” “I'll never get to breath with ease like other people,” “I'm not going to have enough time to devote to this.”

Like a cliff on the beach, all these doubts, all these negative thoughts are slowly being washed away; they reveal more and more of me.

Our ego is harmful to us. In order to fully bring yoga into our lives we must consider all the aspects surrounding negativity-- where did the thoughts originate from? I know that exploring my negativity has been difficult but every day I try.

Every day is there is a challenge to face. Often, this challenge is just stepping back and observing my thoughts and actions as they come.

The only thing truly capable of getting in the way of my success is myself. I think it's important that we address our doubts, see where they come from, then reinforce positivity to make what we want possible.

We invite space for happiness when we recognize negativity and release it. It takes time to identify what we hold onto but I feel like as long as you address it and then let it go when you realize it's harmful to you then, over time, you will recognize a weight off of your shoulders.

I know that the classes we have every Thursday really challenge me to let go of boundaries and embrace the company and open arms of my sangha (community).

Tonight started the beginning of the second big weekend. It's called “Deepening the Practice.” I'm not sure exactly what to expect but I know I'll be leaving the Pond with a little less weight on my shoulders each day.