I'm not sure why it took me so long to get here-- not the feeling itself but the physical act of sharing the feeling.
A month ago I met one of the most amazing people in my life: Karen Stephan, my master teacher. My body holds the memories of the poses, smoothed out by external input. My mind holds onto the honesty and openness of her beautiful heart. My soul is light and feels just a little more free with gained wisdom.
During my previous YTT Saturday session, Karen shared how her life has woven into her teachings and how it will for us new teachers as well. I thought about how I didn't have anything that could be usefully applied to a yoga lesson/session. Yes, I know how to clean a house and can help people find information but how does that factor in?
On Sunday she gave me the answer. Not directly but it's as if she knew exactly what parts of her life to share with the class. I connected most when she talked about her recovery from insomnia and her walk in the woods with her father. Karen had explained to us that this was a dark time in her life.
During her walk in the woods, she asked her father what he would think if she walked in front of a car. He told her "Then your mother and I would no longer have anything to live for."
And something inside me opened, warmth flowed up into my head, welled up into my eyes. My parents have never had unique jobs and haven't been involved in any organizations. What could possible weave into my yoga practice that would resonate with anyone?
Love.
My life has never lacked in love. Back to the oldest memory I can reach, when I was sitting in the child seat of a bicycle behind my father, I felt it. I felt the wind whip around him, the balance of the motion sweet to my pleasantly simple mind. I was safe and I was loved.
From this moment of being on the bicycle, to every night of bedtime stories, to now when I see my parents maybe once every few months, I have love in my heart. It is this love-- this unconditional love-- that I see woven into my practice. The people I surround myself with are ingrained in this tradition of love in my life. My mind can plummet to dark places but then I reach for bits and pieces of light, of this glowing love, and I am lifted.
For a moment I thought I may not have anything special to give my future students. Then Karen shed her light upon my life, illuminating moments and memories.
It isn't just the way my inner knee moves to my outer knee in Virabhadrasana I & II (Warrior I & II); it isn't just the spaciousness that can be made under my arms; it isn't even the moment I felt my energy move so freely from toe to crown. The moment of warmth and connection to the love in my life-- just being in that moment-- is one that transcends time.
