Feel the 'Sakti

OM Gam Ganapataye Namaha

I've said it in previous posts, my life has been spinning fast.
All around me, the world seems to move in fast forward and time has never been so precious. I see my day pass at work as if through a window. I try to keep busy, reading articles and doing whatever on the computer. For the most part I lack stimulation as an assistant and I don't really do much of anything when I am working at USF. I have been working every day, with the graciousness of the holidays off to keep me sane, but I've felt worn like a sweater in an endless dryer cycle-- a small part of me brushed away against the lint catch. The thought of leaving USF and keeping to Clearwater has crossed my mind numerous times and has been taken under serious consideration time and time again.
These past weeks I have found my mind shaken by stress and the overwhelming responsibilities of being a grown up. Friday night I reached inside myself and had a taste of the peace within me, my true self sitting in the oasis of my being.

Quieting my mind was more of a challenge than usual this past YTT weekend. The ghost of Tim's presence lingered everywhere I turned: the smell of lilies that bloomed too late for the funeral, the white birds returning to the pond, the chill in the air of a warm room; reminders of the energy he left behind.
I spent the weekend battling inside me, accepting the comfort of my friends' presence, and reminding myself of the revelations I had come to over the past two weeks. It wasn't until Sunday when the weekend had reached its dusk and we were handed mala beads that my mind settled in.
OM Gam Ganapataye Namaha. A mantra for removing obstacles.
The vibrations of every syllable, the brush of each bead on my thumb and the comfort of my sangha... I was finally home, in my mothers arms, listening to her heart beating-- the kiss of a drum's music stroking my ears.

Wherever my path weaves and bends, I'm taking it one step at a time.

OM Gam Ganapataye Namaha. This mantra follows me into the new year as I face the decisions and challenges ahead.

The Dwellers In These Bodies Are Eternal

This isn't the first time I've sat down to write and struggled with the emotions that churn inside me. This year has been heavy for me. I took a big step on my yogic journey by joining the 200 hour YTT(yoga teacher training program. I graduated college. With this height I gained sharp perspective of my dreams. I've had a lot to smile about.
Like with Osho's trees, with height comes equal proportion of depth.
THis year my grandmother passed away as did Andrew, a family pet from childhood. Both had long lives filled with love. However, the deepest of depths comes from the recent death of a new friend, one I was only just beginning to know.

His name was Tim Martin and he was in my training class. He always had a story to share and, I admit, at first I was intimidated. But as I began to see more and more of him I found he was very kind and had beautiful intentions. He helped nourish our class with everything he shared.

Last night I struggled with believing he was gone. I just saw him less than two weeks ago. I sifted through what information I could find on the internet, hoping that maybe I misread and he was recovering in the hospital. The weight of truth pulled me down and today I still feel heavy.

I am sad because violence took him from his family and from his potential future, filling the world with more lightness.

Death is scary because we don't fully understand it. What is even scarier is that there are people out there who have so much darkness in themselves that they would hurt another person. Our time here is short, and we don't know how short. Yes, we make the most of our days and love as much as we can but how do we cope when death steps into the room?

What has helped me with coping lately is what Nancy shared in one of our recent classes. She shared, and I paraphrase of course, "Western society sees death as very sad and final. In the east, death is a celebration of transformation."
Whether taken in old age or in violence, the transformation is made and I find this comforting. Our bodies die but what makes up who we are lives on in our loved ones and in the energy of the universe all around us. We are made of stars. Stars are made of us.

"These bodies are perishable, but the dwellers in these bodies are eternal, indestructible and impenetrable." -Bhagavad Gita

A Practice Rooted in Love

I'm not sure why it took me so long to get here-- not the feeling itself but the physical act of sharing the feeling.
A month ago I met one of the most amazing people in my life: Karen Stephan, my master teacher. My body holds the memories of the poses, smoothed out by external input. My mind holds onto the honesty and openness of her beautiful heart. My soul is light and feels just a little more free with gained wisdom.
During my previous YTT Saturday session, Karen shared how her life has woven into her teachings and how it will for us new teachers as well. I thought about how I didn't have anything that could be usefully applied to a yoga lesson/session. Yes, I know how to clean a house and can help people find information but how does that factor in?
On Sunday she gave me the answer. Not directly but it's as if she knew exactly what parts of her life to share with the class. I connected most when she talked about her recovery from insomnia and her walk in the woods with her father. Karen had explained to us that this was a dark time in her life.
During her walk in the woods, she asked her father what he would think if she walked in front of a car. He told her "Then your mother and I would no longer have anything to live for."
And something inside me opened, warmth flowed up into my head, welled up into my eyes. My parents have never had unique jobs and haven't been involved in any organizations. What could possible weave into my yoga practice that would resonate with anyone?
Love.
My life has never lacked in love. Back to the oldest memory I can reach, when I was sitting in the child seat of a bicycle behind my father, I felt it. I felt the wind whip around him, the balance of the motion sweet to my pleasantly simple mind. I was safe and I was loved.
From this moment of being on the bicycle, to every night of bedtime stories, to now when I see my parents maybe once every few months, I have love in my heart. It is this love-- this unconditional love-- that I see woven into my practice. The people I surround myself with are ingrained in this tradition of love in my life. My mind can plummet to dark places but then I reach for bits and pieces of light, of this glowing love, and I am lifted.
For a moment I thought I may not have anything special to give my future students. Then Karen shed her light upon my life, illuminating moments and memories.
It isn't just the way my inner knee moves to my outer knee in Virabhadrasana I & II (Warrior I & II); it isn't just the spaciousness that can be made under my arms; it isn't even the moment I felt my energy move so freely from toe to crown. The moment of warmth and connection to the love in my life-- just being in that moment-- is one that transcends time.

Ego vs. Seva

I’m all over the place this past week. I had plans for both Saturday and Sunday but alas they were both canceled events. I wasn’t prepared to not have a plan. I ended up scrolling through much of Netflix, not really selecting anything, just reading the titles. My yoga mat sat by my desk looking tired.

I was stuck and in some ways I still am. My morning practice is stiff and by the time I’m warm I have to finish getting ready for work. Work has been slow and I am, quite simply, bored. I work on my website, read Elephant Journal articles, check my email even though nothing new has popped up, and thankfully accept tasks as they come up.

I haven’t written, I realize, in a little while. Well, I’ve written but I haven’t completed anything and I haven’t shared anything.

To get out of my funk, I pushed myself to work on some decorations for the office—school spirit themed. I painted some leaves, cut out the bull symbol; fun stuff.

Last night while I was cooking dinner, I was listening to Ted Talks. There was one about how we will never achieve our dreams, or something like that. The guy talked about how we go for good jobs but allow ourselves to be afraid of our dream jobs.

That got me thinking—what do I want but something is holding me back from moving forward. Ego. I’m getting so deep into thoughts of yoga and I get to work on it every week—is my Ego sabotaging my progress? Am I just afraid of not knowing? Well, yes, it is scary but I am hopeful. Hopeful that the beauty and grace that yoga brings to my mind and body is real. Hopeful that my practice continues to grow and that one day I will have the confidence to teach a class and help people feel the way I do when I just let go. Hopeful for freedom.

Then I think, what else are my fears/ ego holding me back from? What am I even afraid of anyway? I want to learn Japanese—at least enough to communicate when visiting Japan. I also want to learn Chinese because I’d like to communicate with people at the grocery store I shop at and expand my network. Not that my current network includes many people. (Ego). I also want to learn Spanish because it’s my background and it’s always awkward when people ask me if I’m Spanish and why I don’t speak the language.

I also want to be passionate. I want to be involved. Passionate about what? Well I’m passionate about the yoga community and the beautiful intentions and morals it comes with. I enjoy helping people—that’s why I’m at the library—but I want to do more. More than sit at a desk and wait for questions. It would be nice to go to the community and give them the opportunity to ask questions rather than seek me out to ask (doesn’t happen often since that’s not my role at the library). I am passionate about service and it’s scary because I don’t know how to go that route. I wasn’t taught to serve, I was taught to work, to cook, to clean, to make a family. How do I serve and pay the bills?

While waiting to hear back from job prospects I could be volunteering in my free time. I’ve begun looking into ways to help the community and now I’m recalling my conversations with my fellow YTT-ers. The community I’m passionate about wants to contribute in a field I am passionate about.

I may fail at my dream but the journey isn't worth it if it isn't my dream. Contentment is knowing that we have lived whether we succeed or fail. There is sweetness in every part of life and I will always remind myself. 

Now to take another step forward. 

Wabi-Sabi

Three years ago today.
You hear people say it all the time: "It's funny how time flies by."
And it really is funny because one moment you are waiting to go to yoga class and then three years later you are in Yoga Teacher Training.
I wish I could say I knew I wanted to work on becoming a yoga teacher.
 If I felt then how I felt now, well, I would have said "I love you" to Alex first; I would have changed my major to Exercise Science or Health to be a nutritionist. I wouldn't have let myself be so afraid of failing science courses-- or afraid of anything else so petty.
There are a lot of things that the person I am right now would have done differently if sent back in time. The fact is that I'm here. I made all the choices I made in the past and without them, I may be somewhere different. Instead of writing this during my slow time at the library, I may not have ever written this.
Every moment has a purpose-- the one you give to it.
So this moment, three years ago today, is a reflection of my hopes today.
Someday in the future I will once again be asking people to let me be a part of their day. I hope to share some of the beauty this life has to offer. I hope to ask them to leave their troubles at the door with their shoes and bring their mats in with their hearts. I hope to be the teacher they deserve and a friend they can turn to when life just isn't what they thought it would be.

There is a Japanese a phrase Wabi-Sabi, it is a way of living that emphasizes finding beauty in imperfection, and accepting the natural cycle of growth and decay.

More and more my yoga practice supports Wabi-Sabi; accepting who I am today, where my body is at. I see the improvements that can be made but I also honor myself as I am-- beautiful in this moment, in this world.

Stillness in the Water

Stillness amidst life
Ripples in the water
Thoughts in the mind
Breathe
Ripples soften
Water becomes transparent
Within the stillness is deeper knowledge.
Particles within molecules
Molecules within water
Life in the water
Life in the breath

Yesterday's Day 3

It’s day 3 and I find myself being tugged to fall back into chaos of getting a list of things done. Yes, my list physically exists, and the actions on it I must do in order to progress in life. However, maybe sometimes we need to focus on what isn’t on the list—the actions we set aside for special occasions.

All those candles in the closet serve no purpose if you are waiting to use them for a special occasion. Light them, feel the natural glow they offer to the room. Add them to the dinner table and instantly you have a more intimate setting.

All the pencils, paints, and canvas tucked away for the perfect image are worthless—empty. Paint what you have now—it may prove to be a more powerful essence than your some-day-masterpiece.

Snuggle with your dog. Dogs sit by so often, quietly letting you work through the chaos set upon yourself. So often do they watch, saddened with how consumed you are with nonsense. If you can’t remember the last time you just sat and looked back at your dog (or cat), do it tonight. I implore you, look at your friend as they look at you. Feel whatever comes to you when you sit with them, then give them all the love you can.

I’m telling you these suggestions because they are also suggestions to myself. I am just like you, dear reader; I get caught up in the raging ocean of our society—the endless demands and desires that just have to be met because “they have to.”

Often times we let the list drive us through the day, dragging us through routes we don’t care for. If you find no peace in your list, your list has conquered you and you’ve lost. You’ve lost yourself if you forget what is not written on the list.

We need to remember that if we do not serve our own beliefs (i.e. the belief that what you do every day matters), then what are we serving? Often times, yes, it’s The Man (society) just so we can pay the bills. But if you’ve been stuck in actions that give you no joy, no vigor, then what does that serve? Discontent. You are in charge. Take charge.

Making Time for Yourself

There are 24 hours in a day. We sleep, on average, 8 hours a night, work for 8 hours, and commute for about 1 hour. That leaves you with about seven hours to deevy out between laundry, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of loved ones’ needs.

You have seven hours. That one hour your friend has available to spend with you seems much more valuable in this light. Those ten minutes it takes to read a bed time story to your children are so much more precious that you’ll find you’re okay with reading But No Elephants more than twice.

We put so much pressure on ourselves and each other in our society that we forget that time is a social agreement. Yes, the world spins, the universe expands, but right here, right now, is what matters. Stop counting and allowing anxiety of only having ten minutes to ruin the breaths within those moments—the life force.

Make it all count. If you must pay bills and clean the house, set a timer for yourself. Instead of cleaning while doing other chores, for those 30 minutes you must clean just clean with all your heart. Use cleaners that are kind to you and the Earth. Breathe. Then, when the timer is done, put the cleaning stuff away. You may not have gotten every dish or every hair on the floor, but there will always be more dirty dishes and more dirt to sweep. Let it go and relax knowing you did what you could.

Time measures nothing but itself.

National Yoga Month

In case you're wondering, I'm the one on the right side wearing a white shirt. My teeth decided they wanted to eat my smile.

Today is the beginning National YogaMonth.* Close your eyes. Exhale and gently push out any stale air in your lungs, all the way to the bottom lungs. Take in a deep breath; like a wave, let it lift up your stomach, your chest and then expand outward. Release. Let it all out.

In this single moment, you will have found an aspect of yoga. Our lives are so caught up in the business made norm by our society that we forget how our bodies are designed to breath—how the way we breath affects not only our heart rate but our mental state as well.

If you have found yourself curious about yoga, now would be a great month to look into it. Without a doubt you will find a near-endless supply of articles and how-to books on the asanas (postures). You may also find some on pranayama (breath work), and meditation. Whatever you look into, take joy in the accessibility to so many resources. It has never been easier to learn and educate ourselves on something new. If you want to learn more but you feel like you're drowning or you're just not sure where to start, I am more than happy to point you in the right direction. Don't be shy, let me know.

What is beautiful about yoga is that, this month can be about anything you want it to be. It can be about the asanas (postures); it can be about Ayurveda; it can be about the breath. The important part is that you make an attempt to reconnect with yourself. I'm not saying you need to go to a yoga retreat or an ashram (although that would be quite lovely). I just recommend taking a moment each day for yourself. Find a quiet place, get into a comfortable seated position and just breathe. Take the moment to be in the moment. If you find you'd like to move, give your body what it asks for. If your body is tired and sore you can just sit or lay down-- get comfortable for a few minutes at least. If your body is antsy and you have unspent energy, shake it out and move. Maybe do some asanas. 

It's okay to let this chunk of time be about you. You deserve it.

*Note: If you want to try out a yoga class or try a different type of class, the link at the beginning of this post will take you to the Yoga Heath Foundation. They are offering one free week of yoga classes at participating locations. 

-In- the -Out-doors

My first YTT weekend was more than I could have ever imagined. I think I learned and made more connections in that weekend than I had over the past two years of graduate school.

You can learn a lot from books but the depth at which you can go requires guidance and practice. Reading alone will not do.

There have been many moments in my life that I have felt very happy, but only about two of which accompanied the feeling of being exactly where I belong and want to be. The first was with Alex, the second was the first weekend at the Lotus Pond.

There was so much emotion and warmth running through me all weekend that it's hard to know where to start sharing and where to stop trying.

Much of the time in my training classes so far is devoted to alignment, posture, and subtly connecting with ourselves. When there is a break between it all we get a moment to reflect and share how we are feeling.

Someone in my class shared how they'd been going through a rough time and how the feeling of welcome and warmth shared in the room was exactly what they needed. I related strongly to her. It's safe to say that most of us students have found peace and happiness just by showing up.

I have had my doubts-- not just during the first weekend but also in the following weeks. “I'm no good, they're wasting their time working with me,” “I'll never get to breath with ease like other people,” “I'm not going to have enough time to devote to this.”

Like a cliff on the beach, all these doubts, all these negative thoughts are slowly being washed away; they reveal more and more of me.

Our ego is harmful to us. In order to fully bring yoga into our lives we must consider all the aspects surrounding negativity-- where did the thoughts originate from? I know that exploring my negativity has been difficult but every day I try.

Every day is there is a challenge to face. Often, this challenge is just stepping back and observing my thoughts and actions as they come.

The only thing truly capable of getting in the way of my success is myself. I think it's important that we address our doubts, see where they come from, then reinforce positivity to make what we want possible.

We invite space for happiness when we recognize negativity and release it. It takes time to identify what we hold onto but I feel like as long as you address it and then let it go when you realize it's harmful to you then, over time, you will recognize a weight off of your shoulders.

I know that the classes we have every Thursday really challenge me to let go of boundaries and embrace the company and open arms of my sangha (community).

Tonight started the beginning of the second big weekend. It's called “Deepening the Practice.” I'm not sure exactly what to expect but I know I'll be leaving the Pond with a little less weight on my shoulders each day.

Semicolon

From xaik-, deviantArt

It was more than I could have ever hoped for...

The anxiety and fear of the past three years thrummed in my thoughts but I made sure to come just as I was asked: hopeful and open-hearted. I was greeted much the same by all those who are joining me on this journey. Surrounded by honest smiles, curious eyes, and open hearts, I began to think that this training program is going to be good.

We were moved to another, bigger room, where we all picked spots... then something miraculous happened. We were told to stand and breathe, shake off whatever baggage we acquired during the day. It was as if I had stepped back in time into my first yoga class. We did a few motions and brief breathing exercises and then, suddenly, I realized I belonged there. Then we were asked to explain how we were feeling in one word. I went first: "Happy."

From there I felt more and more connections with the people in the room. I know so little about the others but as the same time, I know all I need to know: we have embarked on a journey, and we are taking the voyage together. 

There was so much that happened, so much I felt in this one two-hour session just talking and discovering. I had thought I reached my maximum of happiness until they read quotes from some of the application essays submitted. Is this one mine? What did I write? 

So many voices, so much hope and longing for peace... these beautiful people were in very much the same spot as me-- wanting to find peace, help others, and find out more about themselves. 

Then they read the words I had written with three years of stored hope

     "The depression didn't go away but, when I started to do my morning yoga, I felt like I was opening my eyes and my lungs again. I began to find myself once more. I kept waking up and getting on the mat, knowing I was the only one who could pull myself up. With the love and help of family and friends I made myself again. I found my peace again."

And as I opened the file of my application, I realize that more than one of the quotes read off was mine. The other was: 

     "To me, yoga is the peace that comes with breath and physical exhaustion. Yoga is the peace that comes with realizing you just need to be present."

In the end it really doesn't matter if the quotes were mine or if none of them were mine; what does matter is that I found myself in each person I'm about to share this journey with.

It's Friday-- A Whole New Meaning

I start tonight and I am feeling so many emotions. Of course, I feel anxious about the mundane thoughts of Will my boss let me off early to get to the studio with ample time? Will yogurt be okay to eat before tonight? Should I wear yoga clothes tonight? I should have tried harder to get a refill on my inhaler earlier this week...
Then I think of deeper questions. Will I make connections with the people I share my training with? Will they want to make connections with me? Will my body be able to do what I need it to do? Will this matter? It matters to me.
As humans we are afraid of the unknown and this is relatively new territory for me.
Among all these questions and scattered thoughts, I am very excited. I find every now and then I yearn for a big change. Every time I have embraced change, it has pushed me out of my comfort zone but allowed me to find deeper happiness.
I have many hopes going into this program but I know that much of what happens is up to me. This is the type of program where I am in control and it's scary. I'm excited.

Thoughts Preceding Yoga Classes

From magazinehive.com

As many of you already know I will be starting my Yoga Teacher Training in a couple of weeks.

I am filled with excitement for this prospect to finally come into fruition. I do have a lot of hopes for what I will accomplish and I'm not sure how much I will gain in mind and body.

There is a saying "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." My dreams are pretty big because among my undeniable excitement is a distinct chilling presence of fear.
I'm afraid that I may not be good enough, or that, despite my capabilities, I will not be accepted anywhere to teach.
I have been addressing my fears for three years or so and, with the money down and my head in the books for this program, fear can't stop me now. I just hope I can make my body strong enough to perform the demands of my mind.

I know what to expect for the most part but I have been told that the experience I am about to participate in will be life-changing. Everyone I have met so far has been very kind and helpful and, in all honesty, I really hope to establish new friendships both in and outside of the program. It's really tough making friends when there are very limited interactions... and it's even more tough being so far from those I already hold close to my heart.

I have noticed that these struggles with establishing friendships and relationships are becoming more and more common in today's society. I have read numerous articles on the disconnect between people and how maybe technology contributes to that. Do we have our eyes on the screen so often that we miss chances? Do we let our lives pass us by?
I feel like we have good uses for our technologies, but agree that we do need to separate ourselves from it more often. I know that I need to revitalize my spirit every now and then with the fresh air of the outdoors. Camping, hiking, biking, canoeing-- it's all a way for me to slow down and just take in the world around me. It re-centers me and reminds me of what matters most.
Do you get enough fresh air?

Soul & Spirit

I had the pleasure of attending a unique yoga class this morning. The instructor used unconventional music for the class (R&B) along with the pairing of free weights. While many yogis may scoff at such an alteration to the sacred art of yoga, I feel it's good to make each class unique because why else would someone go to a yoga class? They want something different from what they're used to-- at least that's how I feel. At the end of the class she told some of the students who stayed behind that she makes her yoga sessions so active and challenging because she also teaches a yoga class at a youth prison.
Very interesting. I'm excited to attend again next week. Tomorrow I'm not sure if I'll be attending a gym class because the earliest one is 8:30 (that isn't happening) and the one after that is noon. I think I'll go and do some muscle work on my own tomorrow so I can keep to a nice schedule and hopefully spend some quality girl time with Kaitlin (financial aid came in so yay I can go out to lunch!).
So there's a lot to do today

Someday I Will Be Able to Do This

If you've followed my blog for a while you know that the one ritual I have is my morning yoga. While my morning practice is not as advanced as this, I do hope to someday make it such. To be able to awaken every part of my body and be completely ready for the day is ideal.
Mornings Krista Marie Starr -Yoga Teacher

Amrit, Not-it Yoga

Amrit yoga was not what I expected at all. I figured it would be spiritual with strong focus on breath during poses but the entire class I went to was centered on breath, and connecting with your seventh chakra. While that sounds kind of cool, it was very frustrating at the end when I have so much energy build up to spend. I wanted to use my energy, relieve myself of tension and while the instructor meant well, sometimes just breathing isn't enough. It's great for people who have long work days and are stressed but this is at a college campus where there is stress and students do get tired but not the extent of a full-scheduled mother or anything like that. The day I went was a very blah day thanks to the icky rainy weather and I just bummed around the apartment watching movies all day, caught up with my shows. I needed to use that energy build up but unfortunately Amrit Yoga is not meant for that.
At least now I know. I gave it an honest attempt and respected the instructor's styles but it's just not for me. I need my Vinyasa; I need to feel my muscles shake while sweat drips down... I need my power yoga back. I'm still hunting and to be honest I'm still trying to get myself back into good habits. I've just been so busy in the mind and now I feel icky because my period... I need to push past these excuses. I will keep you posted.

Namaste.

Here Is Your Moment, Breathe In... Breathe Out... It's Gone

Tonight you don't get to see a picture of me. I took my measurements this morning and I just finished laundry so the only excuse I have for not taking a picture for this week is being busy and slightly lazy. This week I incorporated weighted ab exercises and I actually like them-- they make my sit-ups easier and I can feel the muscles there whenever I'm active. I like it. I like feeling the changes in my body-- something that wasn't welcomed during puberty.
Since I don't have my own original photo to share, I've shared the one above because it is one of the moved re-pinned ones on my Pinterest. It's very simple but says something peaceful yet adventurous. I don't say adventurous because she more than likely has no bikini top on; I say it because the calm world around her and her open arms suggest it. When we open ourselves to the world around us, anything can happen. If we close ourselves off and allow our fears to take over our decisions and our life then we have no adventure and not much else to call a life.
Yoga has taught me so much and there will always be so much to learn but right now I feel it's just time... time is something to be embraced because once we spend this particular moment or that particular second, it's gone. In my undergrad at FSU I took a literature class with Timothy Parrish. I did my best to keep up with the readings and contribute to class discussion but what I found was most important was listening. When I listened closely in this class, I found my own words being voiced by others. We all understand that time is not something that can be grasped; the moment we say we are in the moment, that moment is over. With yoga I am in the moment but also transcending it because I do not limit it to itself. I realize that while we cannot grasp a moment, we can take advantage of now.
I've been having a hard time lately just really focusing myself on school work. I want to be active and do stuff; I don't want to be confined to sitting down and reading materials unless I am able to immerse myself (it doesn't happen often other than with Disney Infinity and a really good book). I really want to go out and do more but I know I also need to work on disciplining my mind. I need to be able to focus on something, while being mentally present, without having a panic attack that I'm not doing anything.
I can do this. I know I can. I just have to keep trying.

So enough of my shpealishness, my measurements this week are:

39.25" shoulders
9.25" biceps
31.75" chest
29.25" underbust
26.75" waist
36.25" hips
36.75" butt
21.75" thighs
13.5" calves

Still going strong with my workouts. I haven't been able to squeeze in weights more than twice a week but I'm doing my best to be active every day. I really have to become more strict with everything though. My bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding will be here the month of June, the deadline for the Race to Abs, so I have another reason to keep in top shape.

I hope all of you are doing well and you're going strong with your goals.

Namaste.

Hello There, World

It's been quite some time since my last post. I've allowed myself to be engulfed in Vampire Diaries via Netflix, along with a few other shows available to me through Xfinity. While I do indeed enjoy these shows, I look up from this screen and I see my tea untouched, my homework piled, my other half immersed in Dr. Who or Minecraft. I see the world that we, as people, seem to make into a medium rather than the actual fruit of our lives. We walk to class, the library; we go on a trip to Disney World, but are we really there 100%? How much of our lives do we spend on Facebook or watching marathons of shows and movies?
Let me say it again, there is nothing wrong with enjoying your favorite show or movie but what happens when we delve so deep that we wake up wondering whether we're finally going to find out exactly how Elena Gilbert becomes a vampire instead of wondering if it'll rain today-- or even what we will do to fill in the time between what absolutely needs to be done?
I am guilty of allowing myself to fall down a self-made rabbit whole of obsession. I've kept up well enough with my homework and yoga but I haven't breathed life into my work or loved habits... they simply were routine.
So. This is me admitting to the world this obsession.
This is also me apologizing to myself. Life is short and by dedicating far too many hours to the computer screen, I've missed out-- or, at least, potentially missed out. I may not have missed out one week but when I finally come up for air from this obsession, I see responsibilities that need to be cared for. They could have been cared for earlier to keep room open for new experiences but instead they were spent ogling Damon Salvatore. I don't want to miss out. I don't want to live through a television show. I want to breathe fresh air and meet new people, make mistakes, and feel everything that comes along with the experiences.
I need to work on moderation. Moderation with television shows as well as sweets. Two birds with one stone.
So here's to more time spent on assignments and projects, trying new recipes, reading, writing blog posts, taking pictures, exercising, and spending quality time with Alex. I wish you all the same and best.

Namaste.

My Body Is A Playground For Rinpoche

My little angel has finally joined us in our new home and, at first, I was very heart-broken because I was worried he would never adjust. He was so skittish, never wanted to come out from under the bed, and barely presented the opportunity to hold him. But now he's getting out more (even though we have to lock in out of the bedroom to make sure that he puts an attempt at being social) and is even getting involved with my morning yoga!
Upon peeking around the corner, out to the living room where I was doing my morning practice, sweet Rinpoche raced to me to rub his fuzzy wittle self on my face while in down-dog (a-choo). Apparently, my body is a playground for him and my practice is all the better for it. Instead of stepping up to forward fold from my down-dog, I decided to do another vinyasa with consideration to the little bundle of love laying on my mat just below my stomach. Excellent form. My limbs were strong and unshaken, knowing that I would squish the poor thing if I was at all lazy. With no care for my perfectly safe movements above him, Rinpoche moved off the mat in search for another way to be adorably distracting.
Oh, little Rinpoche. <3

Energy

The energy we use, the energy we create, the energy we release during practice is not for ourselves.
We use, create, and let go of things for others-- to be compassionate.
We welcome positive energy within us when we're on the mat
and release the negative, breathing in the balance that permits harmony.
The harmony of inhale and exhale that makes life not only possible, but magical.