My first YTT weekend was more than I
could have ever imagined. I think I learned and made more connections
in that weekend than I had over the past two years of graduate
school.
You can learn a lot from books but the
depth at which you can go requires guidance and practice. Reading
alone will not do.
There have been many moments in my life
that I have felt very happy, but only about two of which accompanied
the feeling of being exactly where I belong and want to be. The first
was with Alex, the second was the first weekend at the Lotus Pond.
There was so much emotion and warmth
running through me all weekend that it's hard to know where to start
sharing and where to stop trying.
Much of the time in my training classes
so far is devoted to alignment, posture, and subtly connecting with
ourselves. When there is a break between it all we get a moment to
reflect and share how we are feeling.
Someone in my class shared how they'd
been going through a rough time and how the feeling of welcome and
warmth shared in the room was exactly what they needed. I related
strongly to her. It's safe to say that most of us students have found
peace and happiness just by showing up.
I have had my doubts-- not just during
the first weekend but also in the following weeks. “I'm no good,
they're wasting their time working with me,” “I'll never get to
breath with ease like other people,” “I'm not going to have
enough time to devote to this.”
Like a cliff on the beach, all these
doubts, all these negative thoughts are slowly being washed away;
they reveal more and more of me.
Our ego is harmful to us. In order to
fully bring yoga into our lives we must consider all the aspects
surrounding negativity-- where did the thoughts originate from? I
know that exploring my negativity has been difficult but every day I
try.
Every day is there is a challenge to
face. Often, this challenge is just stepping back and observing my
thoughts and actions as they come.
The only thing truly capable of getting
in the way of my success is myself. I think it's important that we
address our doubts, see where they come from, then reinforce
positivity to make what we want possible.
We invite space for happiness when we
recognize negativity and release it. It takes time to identify what
we hold onto but I feel like as long as you address it and then let
it go when you realize it's harmful to you then, over time, you will
recognize a weight off of your shoulders.
I know that the classes we have every
Thursday really challenge me to let go of boundaries and embrace the
company and open arms of my sangha (community).
Tonight started the beginning of the
second big weekend. It's called “Deepening the Practice.” I'm not
sure exactly what to expect but I know I'll be leaving the Pond with
a little less weight on my shoulders each day.
