Namaste, 2015

It would be an over statement to say that this past year has been filled with decisions and change. This year, though unique in its own right, has been much like the past years. Making a life for yourself and living is filled with change and decisions. I may only be 23 but I see many more ahead, for decades to come. While the decisions I am making now cause much more of an immediate effect now than previous choices, I know that everything I do and say all adds up to make me who I am in this moment. And this moment as well. 

There are moments and times that cause me sadness when I look back on them but I cannot allow them to be a part of the now. Those moments have passed and I accept that they happened. I was in a steady depression at the beginning of 2014. Thanks to the love of my life partner, Alex, and our children, friends, and family I have regained my cheerful heart. There are still moments of sadness I find but the trick is to take a deep breath and let it go. The sadness serves me not and it certainly doesn't help anyone else. 

I foresee a rocky year ahead of me, one of tight finances but broad possibilities of growth and adventure. This time in the past I would make selfish wishes but now, my deepest wish is to grow spiritually not so that I may elevate myself in some way but to be more giving and understanding. Many of you may say I am a good person and while these are kind words, I feel I have yet to live up to the compliment. This year I hope to become better at giving all that I can. I hope to achieve a state in my yoga that will allow me to help reach out to others seeking peace and restore their faith in themselves. My deepest wish is for love-- for all beings to feel it engulf them and fill their lives with hope and generosity.

With a few minutes to midnight, the stamp of a new year according to society but just another day for the universe, I send out all the positive energy I can muster to make these next few moments be as special as you hope. I send out the warmth of my friendship with the understanding that any moment can be special, any day can be life-changing. You don't have to wait for new years to start anew and make big changes, but it doesn't hurt to use it as a good excuse.

I wish you all a Happy New Year. 

The life force within me acknowledges the same life force within you.

(Namaste).

Free of True Freedom Is What Binds Us

The moment when you accept that you you were never going to fit into society the way you believed you were supposed to is the moment you realize it was never going to make you happy anyway. Here's to moving past what society believes is success and towards compassion.
If all we have is this one life, shouldn't it be spent feeling happy as often as possible? If we move past the expectations of society then we can free ourselves. We don't have to work a desk job the rest of our lives. Live your life, accept the consequences of change. I was brought up to fear consequences and change but they are a necessity to life.
I want to break free. Won't you join me?

For the New Year, For Now, For the Next Moment

While this year has certainly lacked in writing, I have done more reading than I have in quite some time. So while my blog has sat idle for many days, I feel nourished with information and ideas. My desires are more clear than ever before and I'm making strides every day to live the life I choose. 

Some days are more challenging than others and some days I really struggle to get going. My not so secret secret to being happy most of the time? Understanding that I can't be happy all the time and that anything that's stressful or seemingly negative is a part of my life. Every moment I breathe I am living. 

When we are kids we are asked what we want to be when we grow up. The question that should be asked is who do we want to be right now? In reality, children don't understand the limitations that the world beyond mom and dad's love and security. Anything is possible when we are children yet as children we just want to grow up. So while a child may say they want to be a princess or a teacher when they grow up, when they actually do grow up all they want is that freedom to just dream. 

Instead of asking what we want to be when we grow up, let's ask something more realistic. What do you want to do today? Who do you want to be? Today is forever what we have. So live your life. Don't waste all your time dreaming; be whoever you want to be today. Every moment you breathe you are living. 

It's scary because that puts a lot of pressure amongst all the necessities of living in society. You have to work, keep your home clean, care for your family, etc. I'm not saying quit your job and leave your family so you can go to the Himalayas and find yourself. (All this would do is reveal that, while the scenery of the mountains is breath taking, the only air you wish to breathe is right next to your family and loved ones). What I'm saying is, keep your moments. Read about what truly interests you; ask questions; make a mental note to call your brother then actually do it when you get home; if you want to help others volunteer at a soup kitchen or bring a hobo a blanket (even if he probably won't be there when you come back with it); tell your mother you love her whenever you can; reach out to family even though you have no established connection; use lulling moments of watching television for doing kalestetics instead; take your dog for a walk instead of eating that pint of ice cream because you're bored or lonely. 

Live every breath and be present. Feel the music of life all around you. Break free from ruts even if what you must do is frightening. (Leave your cubicle job for one that makes you happy even if it pays less-- that big house isn't making you happy so why not move and have less expenses to cover?)

Take a deep breathe, sigh it out quickly. 

Take another deep breathe, let it go slowly. 

The new year, or this next moment, or this one and this one, can be a place in time where you consider happiness and release anything that does not serve you. I say release because you are what's holding onto it. No emotion exists unless you feed it. 

Holiday Spirit

Thursday night I came back to Tampa and unexpectedly went to target and a couple other stores to check out the Black Friday deals... on the night of Thanksgiving. While I looked around reminding myself that I really need to make myself buy pants (because I haven't bought new pants in over a year), I realized that all these people decided to go out shopping instead of staying at home and snuggling up with family and a hot cup of coco (because it's the season to say hot coco).

I couldn't help but see how the holiday spirit was thoroughly lacking. I felt no cheer around me, no sense that people were hopeful-- only the dull numbing feel that most people are going to spend more than they have and just come back another day to return at least half of what they bought. 

Where did the holiday spirit go? Is it really just packages boxes and bags? I'll always be a firm believer that Christmas is something more. 

Way Beyond Yonkers

"Like seeds into the earth, we must release our hopes into the world 

if we ever wish to harvest the fruit." -Myself

"As humans we fear the unknown, but it is the way of the universe to 

always have a question to carry." - Myself

Magic

Tomorrow is the party and there's so much left to do. I need to paint and assemble some hangy things for the bar area, see if I need to make more cupcakes, finish my apron, shave, get fresh cilantro for the salsa, clean up the floors, and get some sleep. 

I don't know if it's because I've been doing so many things at once but emotionally I have been having a roller coaster ride. Between feeling down and feeling hopeful and excited (for the party as well as for ThanksgiveChristmas) I have too many extremes. I need to put myself back into balance and remember to enjoy life all around me. Life isn't a list of chores and errands; it's the very wind that blows a single hair into your eye but without that you never would have looked up and saw the last flower blooming. 

I read a post from Humans of NY on Facebook and it was about a man who's favorite time was when he was a kid. When you're a kid everything has this magical air to it; you're always discovering new things and coming up with new questions. He said that that's the last time he was utterly happy and I thought, why does the magic stop? Why don't we just continue on with the wonder of the world in our eyes? What happens to take away such a beautiful connection to everything around us?

My mother has said in the past that you never really grow up, you just gain more responsibility. Now as an adult, I see it is the responsibility and haunting ness of reality that can weigh you down. But what if each day we look for or imagine one magical thing (it doesn't have to be fairies-- it could be that feeling you get when you wake up and you feel the first day of fall). Drink up whatever you can of that feeling of awe, and use it as your energy. If something negative happens, shoo it away with your magic. 

I don't think it's possible to really be a child again but you can definitely question and stand in awe at the magic all around you like a child. That television you watch? What makes that work? Waves and electricity. Magic. 

Almost There!

There's always something to look forward to; whether you have something big planned for the weekend or you're just ready to head home for the holidays, there's something. This coming Saturday will be Alex and my first party at the new place (not that we officially had one at the old place). It doesn't seem like many people are coming but I think just enough will come to make it a success.
I've had some help with Kaitlin doing fun decorations around the house with streamers. Now we need to get dangle-y poof sugar skulls done and assembled to hang around the apartment.
I'm planning to make my simple delicious salsa and the vegan cupcake recipe I got from Marry quite some time ago now. I also need to get the alter set up to place these yummies. I say alter because it's going to be Dia de los Muertos and why not go along with the actual holiday (even though it's a halloween costume party).
So I have a bit left to do to prepare for the party but I do need to make sure I have all my school work done and submitted.

In other news, I've realized that I'm not very good with getting results for things that require directions. I am good at getting good results-- as long as I allow myself to make alterations along the way. For example, those darn pockets on this ridiculous apron I'm still trying to finish. I've been trying to do them exactly like the pattern (yes the point of doing the pattern is to familiarize myself with terms but, to be entirely honest, I think I'm the type of person who does best when they jump on in instead of calculating everything). So... I'm gonna do this!