Ego vs. Seva

I’m all over the place this past week. I had plans for both Saturday and Sunday but alas they were both canceled events. I wasn’t prepared to not have a plan. I ended up scrolling through much of Netflix, not really selecting anything, just reading the titles. My yoga mat sat by my desk looking tired.

I was stuck and in some ways I still am. My morning practice is stiff and by the time I’m warm I have to finish getting ready for work. Work has been slow and I am, quite simply, bored. I work on my website, read Elephant Journal articles, check my email even though nothing new has popped up, and thankfully accept tasks as they come up.

I haven’t written, I realize, in a little while. Well, I’ve written but I haven’t completed anything and I haven’t shared anything.

To get out of my funk, I pushed myself to work on some decorations for the office—school spirit themed. I painted some leaves, cut out the bull symbol; fun stuff.

Last night while I was cooking dinner, I was listening to Ted Talks. There was one about how we will never achieve our dreams, or something like that. The guy talked about how we go for good jobs but allow ourselves to be afraid of our dream jobs.

That got me thinking—what do I want but something is holding me back from moving forward. Ego. I’m getting so deep into thoughts of yoga and I get to work on it every week—is my Ego sabotaging my progress? Am I just afraid of not knowing? Well, yes, it is scary but I am hopeful. Hopeful that the beauty and grace that yoga brings to my mind and body is real. Hopeful that my practice continues to grow and that one day I will have the confidence to teach a class and help people feel the way I do when I just let go. Hopeful for freedom.

Then I think, what else are my fears/ ego holding me back from? What am I even afraid of anyway? I want to learn Japanese—at least enough to communicate when visiting Japan. I also want to learn Chinese because I’d like to communicate with people at the grocery store I shop at and expand my network. Not that my current network includes many people. (Ego). I also want to learn Spanish because it’s my background and it’s always awkward when people ask me if I’m Spanish and why I don’t speak the language.

I also want to be passionate. I want to be involved. Passionate about what? Well I’m passionate about the yoga community and the beautiful intentions and morals it comes with. I enjoy helping people—that’s why I’m at the library—but I want to do more. More than sit at a desk and wait for questions. It would be nice to go to the community and give them the opportunity to ask questions rather than seek me out to ask (doesn’t happen often since that’s not my role at the library). I am passionate about service and it’s scary because I don’t know how to go that route. I wasn’t taught to serve, I was taught to work, to cook, to clean, to make a family. How do I serve and pay the bills?

While waiting to hear back from job prospects I could be volunteering in my free time. I’ve begun looking into ways to help the community and now I’m recalling my conversations with my fellow YTT-ers. The community I’m passionate about wants to contribute in a field I am passionate about.

I may fail at my dream but the journey isn't worth it if it isn't my dream. Contentment is knowing that we have lived whether we succeed or fail. There is sweetness in every part of life and I will always remind myself. 

Now to take another step forward. 

More Goals She Says?

Life is full of experiences and we run around a lot without mindfulness if we don't make at least broad goals. I think it's time for me to set some new goals. I've already told you all about the Race to Abs with Alex but I'm thinking more adult goals like setting up internships and stuff. I'm 22 now and grad school seems like it's a quarter of the way done. Heck, it seems like it's the last semester with how fast everyone gets on things here. I really need to become more firm on my major's focus. I'm in my first archiving class, Cataloging and Classifying Nonbook Materials, which is nice so far but the actually cataloging part may not be my thing. There's always the learning curb to start off with so if by the middle of the semester I'm not feeling cataloging more, then I think maybe I should look more into Reference Librarianship.
So, with everything going on and my indecision needing to be made into decision, and after seeing the progress of my wonderful sister Kaitlin on her blog, I will make a list of goals!
1) Make a list of internships/volunteer work opportunities and get the information.
2) Actually write down all the job postings in my field that I find interesting.
3) Make use of thumb tacks.
4) Make a new friend by the end of the semester. (I know this one sounds kind of cheesy but it'd be nice to make a new friend that I can spend time with during school-- just to cover the basic life necessities of girls: you know, nails, talk about boys, watch chick flicks, do yoga, give hugs and maybe even go to the gym together).
5) Drink more hot tea. (I used to drink it often but now the frequency has withered to about once every two weeks).
6) Be a better friend. (More texting and calling, more simple 'hellos' and 'i was thinking of you todays'. Everyone sees a little more sunshine when their friend sends a smile.)
7) Get back to nature. (I love to be outdoors and I've enjoyed hiking. It's time to get back to it and breathe in the gift of life all around me when separated from technology. There needs to be balance.)
8) Find out about how to do summer semester courses.

I just realized this is the second list I've made on my blog, the first being my guidelines for healthier living. I like lists, they help me keep my focus. I've read recently that lists can hinder our ability to be open to life but I think that's only when you take it to extreme and when you forget to take care of yourself. If you have no time to breathe, I think breathing should definitely be put at the top of the list. Use lists to guide your day but don't let it dictate it. If you've been out running errands all day and you still have to go pick up light bulbs, it can wait. Get the light bulbs tomorrow, move them over to another list because breathing can't be moved. It needs to happen for you to have a happy life. Everything else can wait for at least a moment.

Rules? I Like To Refer To Them More As Guidelines.

Everyone likes to set rules for having themselves on a healthier diet. Don't eat donuts, don't eat carbs (I flinch when people say they don't eat carbs... an apple consists of carbs), drink more water, go to the gym three times a week, etc. Goals are good. Some rules are good, too. But the problem with being so strict with your rules is that you go on a binge because you've denied yourself that donut, that piece of cake or scoop of ice cream. When you deny yourself and you are constantly thinking of that treat, it becomes an obsession. Once you get it, you fall off your healthy kick and figure "hey, I'll just eat whatever I want today then just start up again tomorrow." It's fine to slip up, it's not fine to give up and fall back on your limitless re-starts. When you want to be healthy and take care of your body, you are making a commitment to yourself. The only person who gets hurt when you give in to binges is you. This is why rules can be bent and should be considered as guidelines.
If you really want that piece of cake, have a slice-- a slice the size of a single serving, not the size of your last piece of cake ever. It's not realistic to say you'll never eat cake or have a treat again. If you treat your rules with flexibility, then you can have the cake, eat it, and then continue on your healthy path. Don't quit for the day/night/week/month. Continue on because our construct of time is just a societal invention. The world keeps spinning whether the sun or the moon shines, and whether or not you are awake or asleep. Eat the cake, continue on your healthy path, maybe reconsider how much you actually enjoyed eating the piece of cake in comparison to other activities like going for a bike ride or painting.
In the past I've struggled with rules myself: don't eat cookies, don't drink your calories, don't rely only on the elliptical, etc. Better results were found when I was allowed that cookie-- I often decided I was content with that one cookie and probably wouldn't want one again for a while. Now that I keep to my set healthy path without denying myself a treat, it's easier to remember why we eat. Yes, we do seek flavorful and personally appetizing foods for pleasure but the main reason we even have the desire to eat is for nutrition. Sustenance. So eat in consideration of what you're getting from your food and take delight when you can have a small treat.

Sometimes lists of your guidelines help you to see your over-all goal. Here is mine, for example:


Wake up with yoga.

Don't look at the mirror unless you are:
a) doing makeup
b) brushing teeth
c) putting skin-loving stuff on
d) doing your hair
or e) admiring the progress of your body [it's not vain, you should enjoy your body!]

If you're  not eating oatmeal for breakfast, make veggies to go with your eggs.

Don't eat processed foods.

Don't eat after 8PM.

Drink tea and/or an apple as a night-time snack.

Eat as much Kale as you can possibly squeeze into your diet.

Sodas, juices, and candies are treats-- treat them as such.

Remember serving sizes-- especially with starches.

Limit video game time.

Read for enjoyment for at least an hour every day.

Write your thoughts down, share some inspiration or simply bid everyone a good day.

Limit your Facebook time; your friends may be looking at their screen the same as you but nothing beats face-to-face interaction.

Do your school work. It may not be on your list of things you enjoy, but the sooner you get it done, the less likely you'll be missing out on opportunities because you have a last minute assignment to complete.

Don't stress so much. Money is a necessity in life but you cannot let it determine your happiness. Remember what makes life worth living for you. Be with your loved ones, play bingo, do yoga...

Love every creature and treat them as you do your friends. We all strive for the same thing: happiness.

If you have a crazy schedule, map it out and make time to relax. You deserve time to just breathe and be still.

You can do anything.

Okay so this is a pretty long list of guidelines and they're obviously personal. However, the idea is to show that you need to agree with yourself about your goals. Like I have trouble taking care of my skin and leaving pimples alone so I want to try to avoid the mirror unless I have an acceptable reason to use it. Also, I feel like reading for enjoyment would make reading for school less of a struggle. As for the ones that are specific to eating habits and such, that is mean realizing some things I can change and do less often to help me better work towards my goals of fitness and physical health. 

Race to Abs

So my boyfriend challenged me with a Race to Abs. The point of the challenge is whoever gets abs (ahem, or the 'best' abs) by June 2014, gets one wish-- absolutely anything and the other shall grant it. The prize isn't all that exciting or motivating for me since there is nothing I would need to use the wish for. My wishes are so small, if not nonexistent, that they're granted when it's the right time.

In order to whip up an exceptional amount of motivation, I'm going to use my blog to track my progress. My plan is to take a picture of myself once a week in my underwear and post it here. If you want me to include my meals and workouts, I can though they always vary. 

Now, you know Christmas is just around the corner and I'll be heading home to PSL on Monday and staying until Friday-- so that's a challenge in itself; being vegetarian in my parent's house is about as hard as getting Rinpoche to play with his plastic balls with bells inside (if it's made for a cat, he mostly doesn't want it). 

Thinking about it, this Race to Abs is a bit different for me. This sort of goal has never been on my list before just because I thought I'd have to give up my sweet treats entirely. Well, that and I've just never had the desire to actually go for a sculpted core. I've just always wanted to be healthy and fit (and I actually don't consider a sculpted core to be a mandatory part of the fitness image). 

While my main fat store is indeed my lower abdomen, a small portion of sweets once a week won't hurt-- as long as I portion and balance my meals for the rest of the week.

So, challenge accepted, baby. Challenge accepted. Here's my photo for this week. Day 1.

Annnnnnd there's Rinpoche wondering what I'm doing. Hehe I guess I'll be taking pictures of him as well. He never allows me to go to the bathroom without him. 

I'll only post these measurements now and then at the end. I'll keep a record in Excel just to see my progress and give me that push towards the end. 

40" shoulders

33.5" chest

29" under bust

9.5" biceps

27" waist

31" belly button

37" hips

38" butt

21" thighs

13.75" calves

Alright let's do this! 

Goals

I've been realizing just how important goals are in life. Why are you doing something? To achieve something: discover, create, observe, analyze, be a part of-- the list goes on.
In order to make a thought a reality we need to make it a goal. Instead of thinking on it we need to act. One step at a time, and you'll get there.
With fitness, I'm at a spot where I need to make changes and add and learn new things. With each workout we do, our body adjusts and adapts to it so we must always be changing it up.
Since I'm already at my healthy weight, I need to tone it up and Body Tone once a week isn't enough. In addition to keeping healthy eating and cardio habits, i believe it takes lifting weights a least three times a week for you to notice a difference.
The FSU Leach offers free BMI(body mass index) exams so once that opens ill go and hopefully have a little more information to work off of. BMI is a test where they pinch your skin and calculate your body fat percentage. Body fat is good as long as its around a certain percentage. Ill find out more about where I stand and how it's determined once I get my BMI.

Finite and infinite

To begin you must first take a step. Images like the one following always give me a nudge because I remember it is POSSIBLE.
I'm really going to kick things up a notch this time. No excuses.