Tears Are Release

I'm going to be entirely honest and just admit that these past two weeks haven't been the greatest for mine and Alex's fitness challenge (i.e. Race to abs). There have been numerous days where I haven't been in right mind... I don't know what happened but I've been struggling with some form of depression. Now I have no good reason to be in this state. Alex makes me so happy, I live comfortably, and while my friends and family are all distant, I know they care for me. Usually what I call a case of the blahs only lasts a day at most but this... It lasted longer and I kept feeling like I was falling in. Like I was being sucked into nothingness... And since the first step of getting over your fears is to admit them, I admit that I'm afraid of feeling nothing: of death. It's a legitimate fear but it is one that you can't blame me for neglecting to bring up. I thought if I kept pushing it away it would go away but instead it clamped on and I have been feeling so heavy.

Alex is wonderful and just being with him has been helping. It's possible that these feelings have been brought on by lack of significant interaction. We have both been so busy with work and school that it's been tough to get quality time. 

One night when he thought I was irritated with him I apologized and started crying because I wasn't mad at him; I was drowning in my own thoughts of nothingness. A hug is a truly powerful thing and tears... Tears are such release. Tears aren't weakness; they take off some of the weight of our sorrows. Like a juice bag, if you stomp hard on it, it will explode but if you gently snip the corners it will flow out, the bag emptied but still structured enough to hold air.

After that, I noticed as soon as I just started being more and listed what I value, I started to come up out of the water. I got into Pokemon with him and two of our friends and the silly simple card game has helped. With a new game comes questions and opportunities to discuss and play together.

Another thing that has helped was an article by Erica, an Elephant Journal writer I have grown fond of. It was a repost of what she believed was one of her best ones: an article about what she would say to her 22 year-old self. It was so powerful and struck me so much that I was brought to tears. "I'm 22," I told myself. I have the choice to make my life how I want it. The right now is happening and I don't want to waste another moment worrying about something that is not present. I don't want to waste any of the precious time I have here with Alex and the world. I want to truly live.
So please accept my apology, whoever you are reading this post; I will do my best to keep moving forward with this Race to Abs challenge and update you on this as well as other endeavors. No measurements for last week but I will make sure to get them up this week. I'm thinking I'll do them earlier since Thursdays are so busy. We shall see how it goes. I've probably gained some weight. Going to confections and sweet treats for comfort along with not going to the gym don't help. Yoga helps a little since I've changed up my music.
Monotony is dangerous. So is loneliness.

I hope everyone is staying warm and that you enjoy the sunshine every moment you can.
Namaste.

Hello There, World

It's been quite some time since my last post. I've allowed myself to be engulfed in Vampire Diaries via Netflix, along with a few other shows available to me through Xfinity. While I do indeed enjoy these shows, I look up from this screen and I see my tea untouched, my homework piled, my other half immersed in Dr. Who or Minecraft. I see the world that we, as people, seem to make into a medium rather than the actual fruit of our lives. We walk to class, the library; we go on a trip to Disney World, but are we really there 100%? How much of our lives do we spend on Facebook or watching marathons of shows and movies?
Let me say it again, there is nothing wrong with enjoying your favorite show or movie but what happens when we delve so deep that we wake up wondering whether we're finally going to find out exactly how Elena Gilbert becomes a vampire instead of wondering if it'll rain today-- or even what we will do to fill in the time between what absolutely needs to be done?
I am guilty of allowing myself to fall down a self-made rabbit whole of obsession. I've kept up well enough with my homework and yoga but I haven't breathed life into my work or loved habits... they simply were routine.
So. This is me admitting to the world this obsession.
This is also me apologizing to myself. Life is short and by dedicating far too many hours to the computer screen, I've missed out-- or, at least, potentially missed out. I may not have missed out one week but when I finally come up for air from this obsession, I see responsibilities that need to be cared for. They could have been cared for earlier to keep room open for new experiences but instead they were spent ogling Damon Salvatore. I don't want to miss out. I don't want to live through a television show. I want to breathe fresh air and meet new people, make mistakes, and feel everything that comes along with the experiences.
I need to work on moderation. Moderation with television shows as well as sweets. Two birds with one stone.
So here's to more time spent on assignments and projects, trying new recipes, reading, writing blog posts, taking pictures, exercising, and spending quality time with Alex. I wish you all the same and best.

Namaste.

Movin' On In

So we re finally here in Tampa! It's our first morning and we still have quite a bit of unpacking to do.  The best way to do it? One room at a time. If there's more than one set of arms to unpack, have one work on the bedroom so when you're tired you can pass out without having to push a bunch of boxes off the bed. Alex and I both tried working on the bedroom together but it works out better to let each person put their personal items and clothes away individually. I let him put his stuff in first since he had more boxes to go through and I was antsy to get the kitchen unpacked and setup. I can't wait to show you, guys! You may have to wait until tomorrow to see because I still gotta unpack my clothes and we need to setup the desk/computers/TV stuff. And get rid of boxes. And find screws to put up wall hangings (that may have to wait until our next trip to Walmart).

Speaking of Walmart, there is too high a number of crappy Walmarts... Seriously. Back in Tally, the one all the way up Monroe was small but at least it had the full grocery section and a decent size of everything else! This Walmart on Dale Malbry had a laughably small "produce section." I put quotes because I can't really call three of the black bin stands with hardly any produce a real section. Then there was so little of even boxed foods! Can you say cray? I thought they'd gotten rid of all the crappy Walmarts. I guess Tampa holds on to old things well. 

Anywho, I'm excited to be here and so far it's going well. Still on the job hunt and still hoping Alex gets the transfer with Regal.  Fingers crossed for the Disney Store. 

Here's a peek at the living box room. 

Hope you have a great Saturday. I look forward to sharing my new home with you.