IKEA It Up! So Ready To Move

Cartoon by Tim Harries

Do you ever have those days where you start off really good (you go to the gym, you take care of dishes, have a healthy lunch, call your best friend, pay the bills, etc) but then the day just speeds forward and you wonder where it all went?
Today was one of those days. It's 5 o'clock and I feel like the day went by without me.
Yesterday was lots of fun-- had a true Susy Tuesday with Just Dance and fried rice paired with Uno! It's so funny to think I hadn't played Uno with Kaitlin before last night. I'm really excited to be having more space for games after we move. We'll hopefully have a futon/sofa, too. Alex has finally got me on board and to be entirely honest, I like them because they're cheap and it'll be good to have normal seats for guests who feel weird about our sumo chairs. IKEA is going to be a big help but we're still shopping around-- and we definitely have time to do so while we wait for financial aid.
Tomorrow we are going with our friend Brandi to the mall and maybe the movies (The Giver)-- Susy Tuesday Part TWO!

Considering Birthday Plans

Yesterday was Susy Tuesday and it's always nice spending time with Kaitlin. I finally got her over to TacoSon and she loved it. She said it's her second favorite burrito of all time (first is Miguel's, of course-- she loves that place. For good reason: their salsa kicks butt!). So we ate that, then went over to Micheal's for paper and stuff for Kaitlin to use on a work project. Then we went to HomeDepot for clear coat to put on the Poke'mon board and then I think we went to Target to get colored pencils (WAY cheaper than Micheal's pencils).
When we finally made it back to the house, Alex laid down for a nap because he's on 4 AM's at work for a while (back to school time). It's tough adjusting to a new schedule because all the normal routine and such gets messed up and then we don't get to spend as much time together and then when we do spend time it's a concern about him getting enough sleep. It's rough but we'll make it through, it's only for a month or so.
While he was napping, Kaitlin and I ate ColdStone ice cream (somewhere in the time frame of Susy Tuesday we made it there) while looking up numbers to celebrate our birthdays Harry Potter style by going to the new Harry Potter section and stuff. We need a third person to make it more affordable so, Colie, I'm going to be calling you soon (since it is also your birthday in November!) to see if we can all do this together. If not, maybe my parents can help pay for some or maybe we'll just have to try for other options. Maybe only do a one day park-to-park and just get there before they even open. We know what rides will be the longest wait: Gringotts and the Hogwarts Express. And if we go during the week prior to Thanksgiving, maybe it'll work out... we shall see.
It's probably good to come up with a plan B. 

Toasty Fairy Tuesday

Alex gets Bro Fridays and I get Girl Tuesdays. Today was a successful girls day and I am so fortunate to have such an awesome boyfriend. He has to work early in the morning but didn't flinch when I asked him at 1:30 am to come with me to take Kaitlin home (whom I fell asleep on while watching Epic despite the fact we got Sonic summer shakes). Sugar used to be much more effective. I definitely think having it so often now has effected my energy levels. 

But, yes, my partner is the best. He's totally cool with girl days and when he kind of gets pulled into it he participates but doesn't intrude in any sense. Like with shopping today. He's always been a good shopping sport from the get go. 

And when I come home from watching Maleficent with Kaitlin-- saying it was the best thing ever and I need to cosplay Maleficent (both fairy and dark version) but that sort of craftsmanship is far beyond my current skill set-- he doesn't flinch, smiles, and continues to be my wonderful other half. 

Vacation Calls

Yesterday Alex and I took Kaitlin to Orlando for a conference for her major. The trip was pretty fun though I've discovered that Panera's pastries are not always perfect. We picked lunch up there before we hit the road and then once we got on the highway I made it to the cinnamon roll (which everyone who likes cinnamon rolls can agree is amazing!). To my dismay, the roll was, well, goopy. Instead of a nice soft and slightly chewy rolls with delicious hit-of-citrus glaze, it was goop. Yellow blob with cinna-goop in between it's crevices. BOO.
The road trip was nice though, the hour and a half flies by when you're in good company. Since I was in company of two of my favorite people, we got there in no time at all-- getting Kaitlin there only a few minutes late. While she was at her conference, I took Alex to see the Orlando equivalent of Momo's pizza (Tallahassee). He was extremely excited and, while Lazy Moon pizza is not as good as Momo's, he enjoyed it. Happy boyfriend, happy day hehe. Then we went to a comic book shop (believe me we had options!) where we landed on the jackpot. It wasn't that we found all the Red Lantern comics that we needed to be entirely caught up to-date; it was the fact that I selected the one shop that had four tables of quality, unorganized comic books... that were $1 each. I'm talking Brightest Day, Blackest Night, X-Men, Batman-- lots of new stuff and good old stuff. So you can bet we got quite a few. It would have been cool if we were able to find all the Red Lanterns we need but this little treasure shop was a nice encounter.
Afterwards we picked up Kaitlin and went to meet her big, my aunt, at Carraba's. To keep it brief, we at a lot of food, laughed a lot, went to the bathroom several times-- all the fun. Then we had to go because I realized it was nearly ten and Penny and Rinpoche were waiting for us to get home.
Kaitlin thanked me multiple times for taking her and, of course, she is always welcome.

Being in Orlando really made we want to be on vacation but showed me that I don't think I'll ever want to live in Orlando. People are very different there in comparison to Tampa and Tallahassee. Being in the middle of Florida causes a lack of southern hospitality and charm. I've been spoiled with friendly, welcoming people in all the places I've been, going to Orlando was just an eye-opener as far as that goes. However, I do really want a vacation. I want to go to a theme park and just go have some crazy fun! I still have't made an absolute decision of what I'd like to do for my birthday this year but I'm pretty sure I want to do Wizarding World (Universal & Islands of Adventure) or Busch Gardens (stay-cation). It'd be easier on our babies to do the stay-cation.
At the end of the month I will be embarking on my first cruise so at least I'll get some sort of vacation-- just wish Alex could come too. Lots going on. I hope everyone's keeping their heads on and wearing sunblock in the sunshine.

Relationship Advice From A Committed, Logical Woman

People talk about married couples' first fights and to be honest, I feel like the couple got married quick (not in a bad way) if they haven't yet had their first fight. When I say fight I mean a big argument that isn't solved or discussed right away. Alex and I only recently got into a fight and we've been together for two and a half years. I think it's important to have arguments and fights before you get married so you can learn to truly mend and set the relationship's course straight again without the 'safety net' that marriage can be. You shouldn't want to heal the rip just because you're married-- you should want it because you want your relationship to continue to grow (even after marriage) and to understand what happened so you can move on and live together harmoniously.

I know that there are statistics that say a high percentage of couples who move in together before marriage end up breaking up but shouldn't you move in and learn about your partner's at-home habits before deciding to spend the rest of your life with them? Yes you're going to find out all their quirks and some things you rather dislike about their cleanliness or just habits in general, but finding them out sooner allows you to decide whether you can deal and work with all of that. Do you love that person enough to accept everything that makes them who they are?
Alex and I will have lived together for a year in August and we've hit our bumps and found out quirks but we help and accept each other.

So, my advice to someone who's just at their first big fight (married or not) is to breathe, think about what's going on and make sure you're partner knows how you're feeling. Openness and honesty are crucial if you want to effectively move on past the argument. You may not want to tell your partner that you feel they are listening to you like a mother half listens to their child after school but if you want to solve the problem you need to be honest and open.
Avoid extending the fight, unhappiness and hurt beyond those moments and solve it right away. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship-- relationships are messy but can be made to be in sync if the two halves of a whole work together and allow for balance. Remember you are in a relationship, one of affection and compassion--- this is the person you want to be with for life. It is a partnership but it must extend beyond agreeing on dinner and whether or not you should get new shoes; it must be a spiritual harmony.
I'll say it again: Relationships aren't perfect but they can be pretty close. Solve the problem when it happens and don't expect sparkles every day. Some days are just chill and you feel like you're with a best friend and there is nothing wrong with that-- who doesn't want their life partner to also be their best friend?

Above all else, love openly. Don't keep anything in and don't let society's expectations influence how and where your relationship goes. Follow your heart.

Make up for Makeup

Yesterday I got to spend the whole day with Kaitlin. She helped me figure out makeup for my brother's wedding. I want my face to show up well in pictures so I needed some help with accentuating my features well enough. Once again there is much going on in my life in addition to the build up to this special event. More and more I have been feeling like there is just enough time for anything. I suppose that is just how things tend to be when you have unavoidable responsibilities.
While Kaitlin was over we played just dance and I actually scored well on quite a few this time! Especially Rock Lobster lol. Then we realized it was late and I took her home but for some reason I felt nauseous on the way back. I ate the rest of Alex's pizza and that seemed to help though it wasn't very good of me to eat it right before laying down.
The night before last I ate Publix chocolate chip cookies. I'm having a hard time with my appetite because I always seem to want whatever isn't in the apartment. I don't want to cook vegetables, I want cookies and pie and pizza. Boo.

Wake Me Up So We Can Dream

After constantly dosing off on the car ride to bring Kaitlin home, I crashed very hard when I got home. Thinking about last night, my mind wanders to sleep overs in the past. It's been years since I've slept over someone else's house (other than Alex's but we all know that's an entirely different situation). Now that I'm 22 it's odd to think that it may not even be an option again until Alex and I have our own house. I've had roommates and will continue to have roommates, that's for sure but sleepovers... ah, the magic of having your best friend over, watching movies, painting nails, eating popcorn and a ton of Snickers minis. During such situations as these it's perfectly acceptable to pass out (as long as it's after midnight). But when there is no where for your guest to sleep, you gotta stay up and make sure they get home okay-- with which I am entirely okay with. It's just frustrating to be falling asleep on your best friend when you're trying to spend time with them. I try so hard to stay up and attentive but I'm worried I miss something. I know if it's important I'll be told again when I'm more lucid, or if it's really important that I'll be shaken awake.
It'd really be nice to have another sleepover but it's not that same when your other half is present. You're supposed to be able to swoon and complain about your other half, then miss them and give them lots of love when you see them again once the sleepover is, well, over. Like I said, it'll probably be when I have my own place or when I'm visiting a friend out of town.

I am not without some kind of sleepover though. There are nights with Alex in our apartment when they feel very much like sleepovers-- much more intimate but still with the attributes that make a sleepover what it is. Some nights we will watch shows, eat cookies, giggle with and tickle each other. Some nights we will stay up until 2 AM just talking and snuggling or playing cards. I sounds really cheesy but Alex isn't just my life partner, he's my best friend (which is an attribute of life partner but for the sake of cheesiness just roll with it). I never thought I'd end up so lucky as to have both love and friendship in one. He's not one of the girls but he's certainly the companion on need to keep me on my toes, my head on straight, and my heart full.

Flashfire Sleepyhead

I have no clue what's going on with my body lately; I just get so tired and I'm tired of it! Alex and I finally fit in a bike ride (a nice sunny seven miles) and afterwards I was so dead that I napped in the car when we went out to find some Pokemon XY Flashfire. We ended up going to the ghetto Walmart to buy some and Walmart is just not for me anymore. Sacrifice quality for a dollar or two? No thank you. Hopefully target gets their shipment in soon because it's so much cheaper there. The base price is a bit lower and then we have Alex's team member discount plus the Redcard. Lots of cute new Pokemon to use.

Other than the nice bike ride, we went to the mall with Aaron and we got some smelly goods for my mom for Mother's Day (hopefully it gets there in time) and a new bathing suit for myself. Much needed. I was a little bummed when trying clothes on in the mall today. While I haven't gained much weight in regards to the Bridesmaid dress measurements, I have gained weight in general-- as in my body is jiggly instead of more tight. I'm disappointed with myself and how I've let it get to this point. I want to be more active everyday like I used to be. I want to walk or bicycle more places and somehow regain my appetite for healthy food (my stomach has been craving crazy things and I've allowed myself to to be lazy in the kitchen). Along with the change of my relationship with this blog, I need to change my relationship with activity and the kitchen.

After the bike ride and such, we took Kaitlin out to a Ellas for dinner and put on The Internship since she hasn't seen it before. Definitely a must see movie. I can honestly say I'm tired of eating out though. No more please. I just want home cooked food and to treat my body better. 

Still haven't seen the new episode of GOT but it will happen. It will happen even if I have to do a two hour sit down with Alex next Monday to be caught up. 

Hope everyone had a good hump day.

We will watch Game of Thrones because I am the Queen. We will watch Game of Thrones or heads. will. roll.

My Screen Is So Bright!

I got to see Kaitlin today! She went to the dog park with us and then we attempted to go out to lunch with Penny but it turns out that Ella's Folkart Cafe doesn't serve lunch during the week. We had planned on Ella's because it's awesome food and atmosphere as well as being dog friendly.

So we ended up debating on where to go and what to do. I wanted to take somewhere she hadn't been before that I feel she would enjoy-- we re celebrating her graduation afterall. (Colie I promise we will make something happen to celebrate yours too). 

After taking Penny home we made our way to Macaroni Grill and we all stuffed our faces. Love them olive oil herbs and peppercorns. After lunch I had Kaitlin watch Cloud With A Chance 2 and then proceeded to chat and then play Mario&Sonic Sochi. Figure Skating on teams is so so so cute!

It's been far too long since I've had proper girl time. I'm sure I've said that before but it still rings true. 

Here's to many more girl nights this summer-- full of laughs, cute animals, and girly stuff, but, first, let me drink some protein. (Search selfie spoof protein on YouTube to understand). 

Before I pass out for bed I just want to update you with what's happened to the Race to Abs. We both failed I think but it doesn't mean we re not going to continue trying to be as active as we can or stop eating healthy. I think having at least one other person I can hang out with will keep me in lighter spirits. 

Hope you all are having a good week and enjoying some summertime. 

Reaching Up & Out With Hope

So this past week went better than the last. I made it to the gym twice (but did full-body workouts both times). I also went for a nice bike ride with Alex and did my homework. On Saturday I took the day off from work to spend with my parents. I was so happy to see them and spend quality time. Dress shopping for my brother's wedding and mini-golfing were both a success. I wish I could have spent a little more time with my dad but I think time with my mom is what I needed I've missed her so much and I've been worrying about her. My grandmother has been in and out of the hospital twice last week... and it makes me happy that my brother and I pushed my mom to visit her for Christmas. Now I hope she can visit her once more while she can... but if we don't have money then that isn't going to happen.
I'm pretty torn up when I think about it for too long. I wish I could be there for my mom but I'm sure my dad is comforting her the best he can. I just... I'm having a hard time writing things down lately because emotionally I am disappointing myself. I do my yoga but what once brought me utter clarity brings me pain because I am troubled by thoughts of not ever becoming a yoga instructor because I won't ever be good enough. I'm also troubled by my breathing; it's become a challenge to have healthy deep breaths and I believe it's due to my deviated septum that has recently become more prominent... I really need to talk to my mom about it and maybe getting surgery done while I'm still on their insurance. To breath with ease would be a gift.
As I've mentioned at the beginning of my post, I have managed to get myself to the gym-- not as often as I like but I've gotten myself there and I'm proud of it Unfortunately it's losing its flair... being around people but still being alone is worse than actually being at home alone because how does one initiate conversation towards becoming acquaintances? It's hard not making new friends.
Alex is my best friend and I think I'd be twice as crazy as I am now without him. Yet I still wish for a friend to go to the gym with, talk about boys, paint our nails together... just hang out. I don't know what to do; I feel like I've forgotten how to make new friends. I was so lucky in undergrad to meet Kaitlin... joining a sorority didn't bring me as many life long friends as I thought but I still got her and I'm happy I did. She made being in Tallahassee enjoyable and school better. Maybe I should try joining another sorority... or just a club. I don't know what club I'd get on well with or even how I'd have time to actually be a part of a sorority... I can barely get my school work done and have enough energy to be a good girlfriend or go to work.

I'm just feeling lost I think. I feel maybe I've made a wrong turn with my career path choice... but when I think of other options I think maybe I'd feel the same on any one of those roads, unless they involved me more. There's so many things I enjoy and would like to continue doing or start doing but they have little to do with librarianship... I don't know what's happened other than change. I love to be outdoors and explore. I love riding bicycles with Alex. I love painting. I love being with friends. I love to bake. I love cute things. I love working with plants. I love animals and helping others... I can help others through librarianship yet I'm worried I won't be any good at it. I'm worried I won't find a job that will want someone that is good at librarianship and likes to help others but doesn't want anything to do with the politics of government and hierarchy of the work place. I don't think they'll want someone who only did okay in school because she wanted to actually live life instead of reading lifeless books about management and theories. I don't think they would want me; they want the cramped-in-a-box me... I need to find a way to be free and still have a career to pay off my debts and have money to live comfortably.
I wish I knew how to better sort my thoughts. I used to be good at it.
Enough of my sob story, I'm sorry readers if you've come this far with me only to become annoyed with my work and probably never read again. I need to start blogging my thoughts the day of something interesting. I still have geo-caching to write about. I also have my apple pie and vegan chicken-noodle imitation soup to post about.
I'm not going to give up though. I'm going to keep writing... maybe someday I can make something out of all this.

So once again I don't have a picture of myself because underwear is unacceptable to show to the world and I was lazy about taking a picture. It's a little exciting looking at these measurements versus the past ones because I really think doing full body twice a week has significantly been better than the past weeks workout methods. Now I just need to make myself do something every day (cardio).
Here's my measurements:

39.75" shoulders
9.5" biceps
33" chest
29" under bust
26.5" waist
36.5" hips
37" butt
21.5" thighs
13.75" calves

Tears Are Release

I'm going to be entirely honest and just admit that these past two weeks haven't been the greatest for mine and Alex's fitness challenge (i.e. Race to abs). There have been numerous days where I haven't been in right mind... I don't know what happened but I've been struggling with some form of depression. Now I have no good reason to be in this state. Alex makes me so happy, I live comfortably, and while my friends and family are all distant, I know they care for me. Usually what I call a case of the blahs only lasts a day at most but this... It lasted longer and I kept feeling like I was falling in. Like I was being sucked into nothingness... And since the first step of getting over your fears is to admit them, I admit that I'm afraid of feeling nothing: of death. It's a legitimate fear but it is one that you can't blame me for neglecting to bring up. I thought if I kept pushing it away it would go away but instead it clamped on and I have been feeling so heavy.

Alex is wonderful and just being with him has been helping. It's possible that these feelings have been brought on by lack of significant interaction. We have both been so busy with work and school that it's been tough to get quality time. 

One night when he thought I was irritated with him I apologized and started crying because I wasn't mad at him; I was drowning in my own thoughts of nothingness. A hug is a truly powerful thing and tears... Tears are such release. Tears aren't weakness; they take off some of the weight of our sorrows. Like a juice bag, if you stomp hard on it, it will explode but if you gently snip the corners it will flow out, the bag emptied but still structured enough to hold air.

After that, I noticed as soon as I just started being more and listed what I value, I started to come up out of the water. I got into Pokemon with him and two of our friends and the silly simple card game has helped. With a new game comes questions and opportunities to discuss and play together.

Another thing that has helped was an article by Erica, an Elephant Journal writer I have grown fond of. It was a repost of what she believed was one of her best ones: an article about what she would say to her 22 year-old self. It was so powerful and struck me so much that I was brought to tears. "I'm 22," I told myself. I have the choice to make my life how I want it. The right now is happening and I don't want to waste another moment worrying about something that is not present. I don't want to waste any of the precious time I have here with Alex and the world. I want to truly live.
So please accept my apology, whoever you are reading this post; I will do my best to keep moving forward with this Race to Abs challenge and update you on this as well as other endeavors. No measurements for last week but I will make sure to get them up this week. I'm thinking I'll do them earlier since Thursdays are so busy. We shall see how it goes. I've probably gained some weight. Going to confections and sweet treats for comfort along with not going to the gym don't help. Yoga helps a little since I've changed up my music.
Monotony is dangerous. So is loneliness.

I hope everyone is staying warm and that you enjoy the sunshine every moment you can.
Namaste.