Semicolon

From xaik-, deviantArt

It was more than I could have ever hoped for...

The anxiety and fear of the past three years thrummed in my thoughts but I made sure to come just as I was asked: hopeful and open-hearted. I was greeted much the same by all those who are joining me on this journey. Surrounded by honest smiles, curious eyes, and open hearts, I began to think that this training program is going to be good.

We were moved to another, bigger room, where we all picked spots... then something miraculous happened. We were told to stand and breathe, shake off whatever baggage we acquired during the day. It was as if I had stepped back in time into my first yoga class. We did a few motions and brief breathing exercises and then, suddenly, I realized I belonged there. Then we were asked to explain how we were feeling in one word. I went first: "Happy."

From there I felt more and more connections with the people in the room. I know so little about the others but as the same time, I know all I need to know: we have embarked on a journey, and we are taking the voyage together. 

There was so much that happened, so much I felt in this one two-hour session just talking and discovering. I had thought I reached my maximum of happiness until they read quotes from some of the application essays submitted. Is this one mine? What did I write? 

So many voices, so much hope and longing for peace... these beautiful people were in very much the same spot as me-- wanting to find peace, help others, and find out more about themselves. 

Then they read the words I had written with three years of stored hope

     "The depression didn't go away but, when I started to do my morning yoga, I felt like I was opening my eyes and my lungs again. I began to find myself once more. I kept waking up and getting on the mat, knowing I was the only one who could pull myself up. With the love and help of family and friends I made myself again. I found my peace again."

And as I opened the file of my application, I realize that more than one of the quotes read off was mine. The other was: 

     "To me, yoga is the peace that comes with breath and physical exhaustion. Yoga is the peace that comes with realizing you just need to be present."

In the end it really doesn't matter if the quotes were mine or if none of them were mine; what does matter is that I found myself in each person I'm about to share this journey with.

It's Friday-- A Whole New Meaning

I start tonight and I am feeling so many emotions. Of course, I feel anxious about the mundane thoughts of Will my boss let me off early to get to the studio with ample time? Will yogurt be okay to eat before tonight? Should I wear yoga clothes tonight? I should have tried harder to get a refill on my inhaler earlier this week...
Then I think of deeper questions. Will I make connections with the people I share my training with? Will they want to make connections with me? Will my body be able to do what I need it to do? Will this matter? It matters to me.
As humans we are afraid of the unknown and this is relatively new territory for me.
Among all these questions and scattered thoughts, I am very excited. I find every now and then I yearn for a big change. Every time I have embraced change, it has pushed me out of my comfort zone but allowed me to find deeper happiness.
I have many hopes going into this program but I know that much of what happens is up to me. This is the type of program where I am in control and it's scary. I'm excited.

The Week My World Changed

This week has been one of mixed feelings for me. So much has happened... life has happened.
It is with a heavy heart I share the knowledge of my grandmother's passing. This heavy heart pains from the pain of my mother. Grandma's body was breaking down until finally she went, kept from the pain of which ailed her with drugs and soothing sounds.
Monday, among this sadness, I received news that I passed my COMPS exam.
Shortly after, I was invited to an interview for a job at the USF Library.
Tuesday, I went to the interview. I forgot to put on chapstick and made chappy lip sounds and said "um" more than I care to share.
Thursday, I got a call saying I got the job.
I received a letter in the mail saying I need to give my loans back to the government because I am not eligible to receive them.
Friday, gay marriage is made legal.
I call and speak with ten different people at USF and discover I messed up with paperwork but someone else also really really messed up by falsely stating I took my COMPS exam and passed in the Spring.

... and here I am now... my mind heavy with the weight of both happiness and sadness. I am a believer of balance and, at this point right here-->., I have found the state of life.
Life, as an ever-changing, ever-flowing, state of being. I will return to this point many more times in my life, as is the norm for those who breathe and use the gifts of the earth. There are no words for feeling happiness and sadness. Many would say that I'm stressed but the state I am in goes far beyond; the weight both strengthens and weakens my spirit. I am sad that my mother is parted from her mother. I am excited to have passed my exam and that I got a job offer. I am ecstatic that there is more equality in our country. I am frustrated and terrified about my financial aid issue. I feel all of these states but, like the world keeps spinning after death, I am still here now: thinking of friends I miss, working on class assignments, petting Penny and Rinpoche, writing a blog post...

For Today

The end of True Blood; the finale of LOK Book 3; the start of a new semester. Will this one be different from the last? Will I finally meet new people and make new friends? Will I learn some crazy sewing and crafting skills? Will I ever push beyond my current yoga boundaries? As you know, I'll be moving into my new place next week. It's a pleasant fit: a new place for a new semester. Change is scary but it's good for the spirit. Our energy thrives on the changes all around us. Today may be similar to yesterday but it's always a new day. It's always a new moment. We have control over what we think and what we do. We are right now. I am responsible for making myself learn new skills and push my own boundaries. I am responsible for making new friends.
I just have to put myself out there.
Here's to the start of a new semester. Whether it starts off well or the worst ever, you can make it through. Make new memories, make it all worth it.

No Summer Time

While I will be able to enjoy the sunshine and possibly get some beach days in, this summer will be the first that I don't have a summer break. I will be continuing with my classes as well as be working pretty much every weekend (aside from that of my brother's wedding). It's tough having free time that doesn't work with that of events or Alex's free time. He can stay up late on Fridays while I can stay up late on Sundays. It'll be nice to some day have similar schedules and be able to go out on the weekends without worrying about sleep. Someday.
Today I mailed out my mom's Mother's Day gift and surprise surprise there is a "post office" just around the corner from me that I totally could have rode my bicycle to. I put post office in quotations because it's actually a shipping company that ships for USPS but don't do any of the other services. It's good to know it's there; I will definitely be riding my bike next time because it seemed pretty silly to drive there. It's kind of like living across the street from the grocery store and driving your car over even though you only need less than a few items.
After the quick trip to the post office Alex and I came back to the apartment and just hung out-- sifted through our Pokemon cards and traded some. Then we took Penny to the dog park on Davis Island which turned out to be a big success. There were numerous dogs there and they were all pretty chill. One was part boxer so they were able to help Penny play to her full potential: boxing and lots of running! I was really happy to see a Great Dane as well-- such a sweetie and so gentle with all the dogs (even the tiniest little ball of fuzz). We stayed for a little over half an hour but that was more than enough time because Penny is super pooped.
When we got home I started on some dinner: roasted potatoes, peppers, onions, and butternut squash. I think butternut squash is my favorite because I never seem to get enough of it. I love it in macaroni and cheese (I totally had the idea before I even knew Annie's has a frozen dinner of that), roasted, in rice-- there is so much potential for this marvelous winter squash.
While dinner was cooking we FINALLY watched the new episode of GOT. Yay! Good stuff, lots of great stories moving along. Overall today was a good day. I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow so I could enjoy what little summer break I have left but I have to go. It's a good job, pays well, and the people I work with are pleasant. To top it off it's pretty easy. I think I'm just ready for something different. I'm looking forward to my field work time, whenever I can finally get it started. I don't think I'll get paid for it but you never can tell, it's possible I'll land a paid internship of sorts.
Hope everyone's weekend starts off well. Enjoy the company and experience of the world around you.

Monday for Sunday

Whoever made this advertisement clearly doesn't know what it's like to actually live in Florida. They also clearly did not experience all that rain on Friday.

Yes, it's Monday not Sunday but I'm putting an effort in.
Yesterday I went to work; it was a busy day-- lots of people, decent amount of profit. I like working at Worm's Way because even when it's slow I have friendly coworkers who always have an interesting story to tell. I also enjoy helping people learn about indoor gardening with a heavy dash of science that they didn't know was important to plants. The weather was gorgeous.
After work I came home and spent about an hour trying to decide what was for dinner. I settled on Moe's even though I seemed to have a big craving for pasta. I don't like to pay so much for food I could make at home with ease. Note to self: definitely getting pasta when I finally make it to the grocery store.
We came home and I worked on and finished my Final Project and Authority Quiz for my Cataloging Nonbook Materials class (I'm going to miss it; it was my only physical class). Alex and my friend, Aaron, came over and hung out. We talked about our thoughts on apartments we've been looking at for the fall. We have some good options, the only thing left to see is where they price us at. I think it's dumb how they can't have a standard range for their apartments. This BS about, Oh we won't be able to tell how much or even if we'll have something for you until exactly two months before that date. At least that's better than being lazy butts like some apartment complexes that say they can't tell until a week before.
After Aaron left Alex and I wound down for the night and got to bed.
I didn't get any painting done but I'll have time on Monday for that since I can't go to the gym without taking my allergy pills.
Overall it was a regular Sunday. As regular as a Sunday can be.

The Daily Dally-Do

Aaaaaand I totally should've just posted this yesterday before I got off lunch break but I wanted to wait to add a picture. Oh well, no picture and it's late. That's life. Here's day one post, I'll write day two tonight once I submit my final project.

I've realized it's been a while since I last posted. It'd be a lie if I said it was all due to school. While school has kept me busy with final assignments and deadlines I have, for some reason, been avoiding my blog. So much has been going on and each week I plan to include it in my weekly blog post but when the day comes I don't feel the same as I did the day of the event or it slips my mind all together. 

Yesterday I caught up on Kaitlin's blog and I was thinking how it's nice to be able to look back on each day and have that much needed trigger to recall things. Then I thought, why don't I post every day-- even if it's a short blurb that means little to nothing to you readers. If anything it may help me gather my thoughts for one weekly full post. Well, as you can probably tell by now I have a hard time committing to a specific activity-- I thrive in change. People like to have their routines and know exactly what to expect. Whenever I have such predictable days and routines, well, that's when I seem to fall. I need change because change means that I'm alive. For the past few years I've been able to change my major, change the places I go, and where I live, then maybe have some routines that fit within all the changes just to give me breather time (yes I counted going to the gym as breather time in undergrad). 

Now most of my time is routine and I think initiating change will be good. It'd be nice to have this blog, walking Penny, and the gym as my routine breather times but my job has to be apart of that list as well. So, here's my attempt at starting a new change: Daily Blog #1. 

Today I woke up five minutes earlier than I usually do for work so that I could make sure I got to work on time-- which I did so I'm going to continue waking up at that time. It's been raining here in Tampa since yesterday's rainstorm and I'd very much like some sunshine instead. I'm prepared to endure the summer heat because I'm a born Florida girl but this rain just keeps my mood down. I need my daily Vitamin D. 

I get off work around six. I had thought to stop a the market to do grocery shopping but we have enough food at home so I just want to use all that first. I'm thinking something with quinoa. After dinner I want to try and finish my final project and quiz. Then if I have some time, finish up Colies gift even though she'll be in Colombia by the end of today. It'd just be nice to finish that project up then work on the pokemon area board Alex so badly wants finish lol. 

There usually isn't much time after I get home from work and cook dinner so I'll probably head to bed after all that, maybe get a chapter of reading in. Then tomorrow wake up and do much of the same, except I have the option of staying up late-- kind of. Alex works Monday mornings. I'm not going to lie, I kind of like that we have different work schedules because it allows me time to do things around the apartment and work on assignments without the temptation of being right next to him. At the same time I miss him so much during the weekends and I feel like I'm losing precious time. The truth is we re always 'losing' time-- using time would be a better descriptor. While I would much rather be doing things I enjoy instead of working, I know I need to work to be able to do things I enjoy when I do have free time. 

When I think like this it helps but it also makes me feel like I may never be able to afford or have good circumstance to do the things I want. Like taking Yoga Teacher Training classes and getting my yoga certification. It's a big investment not only with money but with time. Much of the classes are held on the weekends which will cause a predicament with work (I'm only hired to work weekends). I had estimated working for Worms Way for about a year but i think I may have to stay with them until I graduate... We shall see. 

Something I need to do this coming week is get all the details on my fieldwork requirements because that is going to affect a lot as well. I also need to find out what textbooks I need to buy for the summer semester. 

Make the Change

I've said before that we are creatures of habit, but we are also creatures who yearn for companionship. Whether we're selfish or completely self-less, we care about someone. Compassion is the essence of a happy life and it is my strong belief that we cannot love or care for others if we cannot take care of ourselves.
So many of us expect our loved ones to be healthy and do their best, but what does it mean if we don't take care of ourselves? What does it mean if we tell a child not to smoke but continue to smoke ourselves. We all know the risks, the damage things like smoking do to our bodies but we don't change. We don't change. That's where the problem is. If we don't accept change-- the battle that comes along with giving up a bad habit or an addiction-- then we fall; we fall deep into samsara and hurt not only ourselves but those who love us.
Smoking is bad and people know the risks... but it won't happen to you, right? You won't lose your ability to sit through a movie without a smoke break; you won't spend the money you were supposed to spend on groceries on your fix; you won't end up in the hospital, you won't be physically crippled.... you won't. What about us? What about the people walking by; what about your children? We are all in this together. We need to battle these bad habits and form positive, beneficial ones. You are not alone and you never will be.
Stop the bad habits. It doesn't matter how long it takes, just fight the battle every day. If you slip, catch yourself on one of the cliff's rocks; you'll be hurt but at least you won't be dead. Make the change you need to make to better yourself... so that you can better us.

Sincerely,
A Sort-of-Buddhist Asthmatic


Namaste.

I Didn't Forget You

I realize it's  been a while since my last post and that's mostly due to trying to get my Avon going and getting everything setup for Tampa. Just when I think I'm done, there's something else that comes up. As for Avon, it's going fairly well. It'll be tough starting all over in Tampa; at least I'll be going out more and seeing more people so that should help pick up my business over there.

I never updated you on my running did I? Well, I did indeed go for a run the next morning.  I drank a glass of water and beat the rain. Unfortunately, I found little to no enjoyment in the activity. My poor wittle ankles and knees are not made for the pounding on cement. Happily, I'll have gym access in two weeks (holy cow, there's only 14 days until Tampa!) so I'll have wonderful cycling, yoga, and other fun classes to go to to get active and involved. Note to self: apply to the USF gym. 

I'm so excited that I'm getting anxious and nervous! 

Anyway, running is a no-- at least in the streets. I shall be a proper lady of modern day society and run on a tredmill that treats my joints gently. Maybe I'll find some non-paved trails for running-- there is a big park next to The Claw (USF's golf course). USF doesn't have fun names like FSU does... I'll have to find out more or make them up.

I hope I don't have as much trouble meeting people as I did at FSU. I didn't make friends really until Junior year when I joined my sorority DNZ. Then I didn't make any significant connections until Senior year. Yeah... nope. Not going to allow it to take so long-- I'm going to be aggressive with friendships! BE MY FRIEND! Please. :) And then I'll offer to make them some tea and lunch. No one ever took me up on that offer before... so definitely be more aggressive about getting them to spend time with me. Yes. 

As for the mostly veganism, it hasn't been going so great because of how tight money has been and the upsetting forgetfulness of my parents to buy more than onions, peppers, and potatoes. Like I've said before, I'll have an easier time when I'm in control of what goes into the fridge and pantry.

All that's left to get Tampa done, now, is pay for utility setup, pay for internet, pick up moving truck, find job, move in, and get settled. Oh, then I have a list for Tampa, too. It included meeting my department head, getting my USF ID (I gotta snatch up that gym access!), and decide on local grocery stores/ market places. The big ones left are the move and finding a job. I'm hoping for a position at the Disney Store in the International Mall but there's also a possibility of working at a sushi restaurant (yum!). 

Well, I think I'll let you go for now. My car has been finicky and giving her a bath usually makes her happier.

Have a great weekend!

Namaste.

Another Blab About Change and Moving

From finding a place, getting utilities set up, and gathering/packaging all the necessities, moving is a big adjustment. I've been talking a lot about change in recent posts but that's exactly what this move is. It's a big step for me personally as well as the future of Alex's and my relationship. I'm excited to make this move forward into our lives-- seeing it evolve into even more wonder. As we get closer to the big day I get more and more nervous because of money and getting everything together. I know it'll work out but it's just the smaller the time, the more I just want to get going.

It certainly doesn't help me that I have so much pent up energy from being in psl: you drive everywhere, it costs money to go out-- there's just really nothing active to do. Bicycles and walks/runs are great when it's not raining and work at the movie theater doesn't deprive you of proper rest. Excuses, I know, but they are what they are.

Once we re moved in we ll be able to adjust and create our schedules. I'm really hoping for a job at the Disney Store in the International Mall. It would be a spectacular and welcome change of scenery in the work place. If not, I'm also hoping for at least a temp job at the USF bookstore on campus. 

Regardless, it's coming. I'm ready.

Before I let you go for now, reader, what would you think about some videos on here? Likes videos of me moving and whatnot? You've never been really responsive before but I figured I would ask.

Sweet dreams. 

Namaste. 

Pick Your Feet Up

I just want to admit it and let it go like carbon dioxide: I'm really burnt out with working at the movie theater. It really is time for a change and I'm happy the move for Tampa is coming soon. This move presents lots of opportunities and I hope to take advantage of them.

I'm still nervous but excited at the same time. Once the move starts, I'll be all the happier.

An update on my mostly veganism: I had eggs this morning and I didn't feel the delight I used to. The taste is different. It's not hard for me to believe because when I went pescitarian, I didn't enjoy beef or pork anymore either. And now I don't enjoy any flesh other than fish. 

A down side lately is that I've been feeling quite faint and lacking in energy. Yesterday my momma bought be new sneakers; I'm hoping that getting myself into running outside (as opposed to my past experiences on the treadmill at Leach gym) will help. Ill be sure to keep posting about that. I will start tomorrow morning. Ill need to wake up early to avoid too much heat-- this is Florida after all. 

They're ready. I am, too. 

Sunshine In the Sunshine State

Another lovely morning for yoga outside. I even got a cute tan line from my strappy top!

I've recently decided to just hold off on my attempts to find somewhere affordable to get certified and just work on my own personal practice. I have considered teaching some friends or just providing an open space to practice along-side me and I think I'd like to do that since I have so much free time. Anyone on my friends list, or even friends of friends, let me know if you're interested. Male, female, young, or old just bring a mat, towel, water bottle, and a desire to flow. I'm not looking to make it advanced since I'm not very advanced myself but its totally cool to do your own thing. 

I'm working on a playlist now and once I have that settled and I see who's interested I'll set this up.

On an sweet and cute-sie note, my father surprised me with a male Siamese kitten today and he is now the newest member of the Negron-Seavey family. His name is Rinpoche (yes, right out of Breakfast With Buddha--one of my favorite novels) and, true to the name, I'm sure I will have much to learn from him as be goes through potty training and other big adjustments like learning to be okay with Sheba, my parent's German Shepherd-Chow doggie.

Adaptation

When you don't have a gym with access to machines and weights, everything changes.

I've learned that, like any other routine, a workout must be flexible. We often rely too much on ellipticals tredmills and anything that is a product created by corporations to gain the focus of people in the workout community. 

I have loved the gym for some time now-- the atmosphere and all the equipment needed for easy dummy-proof fitness is available. But what happens when the gym is taken away? What happens when the person who is best at buying real food (produce-- the food earth provides for us) is stripped of their funds and they must rely on others who have the money but lack the understanding of the difference between food and a product?

In America everything has a price: fitness, food, and over-all well being. This is against the natural order of life yet Americans solute themselves with their negative nutrition meals and artificialized lives. 

At school I was in prime position for a healthy me-- I had the money to buy my own food and the schedule and location to workout. Now that I'm home I see I must be ever more flexible in my life. Life is change and diet and fitness are no different. 

If we are to survive and thrive as we choose, we must adapt. Adapt as creatures of earth are meant to. 

It's been tough dealing with less energy rich foods filled with simple carbs and sugars, while lacking the opportunities to burn it all off. I don't own a bicycle and I am literally about to step through my sneakers. On the occasions I have to lift at Alex's house, I do it wearing socks because my shoes provide instability as opposed to support. 

It's a big change and I need to create and force things if I have any hope of working towards where I want to be physically. 

Luckily I do have Alex and Colie, along with others, who support me in my decisions. I also have yoga. My mat may be physically falling apart but every time I step on and breathe, I feel the connection, the drive. I just have to find the way. 

As for food, I need to be more stern with my parents about what I actually eat. 

I hope your rainy Tuesday evening is going well. Maybe the sky will clear up for the stars tonight. 

This Little Corner

"Each of us feels some aspect of the world's suffering acutely. And we must pay attention. We must act. This little corner of the world is ours to transform. This little corner of the world is ours to save." -Stephen Cope

We have strength and we have the power of decision. Take control of the self and embrace the energy within.

I'm done with undergrad and I've been accepted to USF's library science program but now I'm worried about what I will love in the future... I'm worried that i won't be spending my time in a passionate manner. I love my yoga practice and I am advancing... I just don't ever want a job to take that time away. Working at the movie theater provides odd hours and my workouts have been suffering, and are practically nonexistent, because of it. I imagine there are many people who feel a rut when finishing school and haven't found a job other than an entry level one. 

I have to find ways to make time again and still do the things I love when in home. Change is truly necessary. No such thing as a forever routine if you're living your life. Even brushing your teeth doesn't happen at exactly the same time every day of your life.  

Happy Mothers Day, mother, nature, and universe.

Change Is Necessary In Order For Life To Be Possible

I haven't been as personal with my posts as I started out. And you've most likely noticed I haven't been as frequent either. Stress can control us if we allow it to and I've been fighting with the stress of so many changes that Im required to make decisions about. Change is good and necessary but it's scary when the next changes are what will determine the opportunities the future will hold.
The biggest stress I've been carrying is the decision of what to do now that I'm graduating from Undergrad. Many of you already know but I have applied to USF in the hopes of getting into their Library and Information Science Graduate program. I haven't heard back yet but my dilemma is more on where my passions lay. Yes Im positively delighted to engage with various forms of text. I love to catalogue and help preserve information while making it more available.
I'm no yoga expert but I love yoga, too. I've spoke of it before-- of the feeling one gets from the practice. I feel like I belong wherever I am in that moment when I'm doing yoga.
I've been told by some of you that I would be a good teacher. I have a lot to learn but, with so much encouragement, I've been considering it.
I want to advance my practice and I'd love to help others in discovering that special feeling yoga makes linger within you, but I have to consider the amount of debt I am in from Undergraduate alone. Being a university librarian or an archivist would be an interesting career. I think perhaps I need to continue on this path-- give Graduate school a real try. I just hope that the opportunity to advance my practice and become certified to teach yoga comes along.
Being both a librarian and a yoga instructor sounds do-able.
Now, I need to finish up this semester and wait to hear from USF. Then more decisions can be made.


Like water we must flow,
Earth we must adapt,
Fire we must be determined,
Air we must be free.

Yoga Update

Now that I have made my morning yoga into a habit, it's time to change up my moves. While sun sals are a wonderful way to get my blood and breath going first thing in the morning, I think I should try alternating routines. Ill do my sun sals on Tuesdays and Thursdays since I can't really squeeze out extra time on those days. As for Monday Wednesday and Friday, I want to try a different sequence like the one depicted in the image-- or exactly like it.
How often do you like to change up your own routine (whether it be yoga, lifting, aerobics, etc.)?

Image from Thoughts By Natalie

Change and Stumbles

In a universe that is always in flux, we too must change.
We may have a set back in our journey towards our goals but if we change and adapt to the situation we can still reach that goal-- maybe even see that our goal itself needs to change. Always keep your chin up, your heart open, and your core tight; be prepared for temptations of sweet treats and lazy days. If you give in, don't dwell-- just put your mind back on track.